Will a relationship last across a cultural divide?

This is a pretty tough question to answer especially since my busted relationships were always with people from the same (sorta) cultural backgrounds as me.

I guess it all depends on what is important to you and just how much you are willing to compromise.

In my current relationship:

• He is English (obviously, being a Leprechaun and all)
• but he understands my language

• He is allergic to cats
• but after 2 years he has conversations (just like me) with the cat

• I really never liked spending too much time with parentals
• but I like his and don't mind seeing them (besides... I like Leprechauns)

• I really hate cooking
• but I cook for him - sometimes

• We make decisions together
• but also have things we do apart

What is important in a relationship and how do you know if it will work for you?

• Can you see yourself becoming part of a team?
  
• Does he/she take your interests/likes/dislikes into consideration before planning something?
• Do you like his/her skew nose/mouth or teeth - or can you stand that weird laugh?
• Do you feel special after the newness wore off?
  

Spending time together

After almost 2 years of dating the Leprechaun and I are still having fun. We have just had a long weekend and decided to stay at home with my beloved Mr MooKow.

Our first day off, get DSTV on again – after 6 months they might have new programmes one. I watch TSN and Zone Reality... and my Leprechaun... Hallmark, Action and Series.

Day two – there was a day two? I think we washed clothes and stayed in watching DSTV. Lame, I know.

Day three – awesome, we went shopping and had lunch with his mom.

Day four – put up the new clothes line and discover the new blind from Makro has no strings. Very disappointed and iffed off about that blind – returning it this weekend.

Mr MooKow (the cat) enjoyed having his minions around.

PS. Will answer the questions on Friends & Neighbours blogpost on my next post!

What does compatibility have to do with love and relationships?

How difficult is it to date someone that is the complete opposite of you? Will it work in the long run? Won't you just get fed up with having to have to deal with a short tempered or completely chilled person?

Will your relationship last? Will you have the patience and will to make your relationship succeed? (- or will you give up and move on?)

Obviously I'm writing a post on this as I have noticed that my boyfriend is the complete opposite of me. I have a short temper and don't really have any patience (as patience is not a virtue, but rather for people with too much time on their hands), nor do I function all that well when things don't go as planned - but on the other hand I can think on my feet and get things done when I need to.

Now the obvious next question is - how do laid back people cope with dating the aries type?

BTW - this is post 101 :)

Time is a precious commodity

Time is so tight nowadays between work, school and dating C* that I have not really had a chance to write - but, I promise that will soon change as I have 3 evening classes left and hopefully soon I'll be getting my ADSL at home too.

When you are on a tight schedule like me you have to start thinking of planning your life better - as obviously that loose schedule I had as a single woman no longer works for me.

I have started to work on a rough draft of how I will be arranging my life.

Monday:
7:00 - 15:00 at the office
15:30 back in the Northern Subs'
16:00 at school (ends next week)
20:30 get home

Tuesday:
7:00 - 15:00 at the office
15:30 back in the Northern Subs'
Do stuff around the house till 6
18:00 C* arrives

Wednesday:
7:00 - 15:00 at the office
15:30 back in the Northern Subs'
Do stuff around the house till 6
18:00 C* arrives

Thursday:
7:00 - 15:00 at the office
15:30 back in the Northern Subs'
16:00 at school (this Thursday is the last one at class)
20:30 get home

Friday:
7:00 - 15:00 at the office
15:30 back in the Northern Subs'
Do stuff around the house till 6/7
18:00 C* arrives or go out with my K*

Saturday & Sunday... try to relax some, get the week's shopping done, do stuff around the house.

Is it just me that never have time to get to everything that I really would like to and need to do? It just really feels like a day should be a little longer - but then again, would I really work or just watch more TV?

Relationships

Have you ever wondered why you always seem to end up alone and reeling from a rollercoaster relationship?

I used to wonder why I only seem to attract guys that are needy or that have some sort of an "issue". I now know that it is because we cannot let go of the past. We as humans carry baggage until we die ... unless of course you are willing to spend hours talking to a shrink and let go of things that are anyway beyond your control.

I stumbled upon this gem of an advert... Read this advert

Date 3 - 4... who would have guessed

Who would've guessed that after date 3 I would fall for yet another Irish guy? Definitely not me.

We have now changed our Facebook Dating Status to say "C* is in a relationship with S*" , so, it is official - I can no longer be a serial dater. Do not fear, I will still be writing this blog.

It's all good after date 2

After date 1 I obviously liked C* enough to go on a second date - and obviously he felt the same...

On date 2 it got even better.
Dinner was made by the really cute guest in my kitchen. (Jip, and it was delicious.)Since it was a home date - we watched movies... I now suspect him of being a kissaholic (it could be that I'm the kissaholic, but for the purpose of this blog - it's him).
Obviously we didn't just kiss all the time - we talked too. He actually has good conversational skills... fancy that.

Date 3 has been set - and I can't wait!

PS. we're only sorta kinda seeing eachother - so we are not dating yet.

To be a cautious dater or not…

I bet you have made yourself guilty of throwing caution to the wind when you think you met Mr Right – on a first date.

What if you could just wait a few dates before proclaiming your undying devotion – do you really think that it would make a difference in his life?

What if you get too serious too soon and you awaken the fear (all) men have? (The fear of commitment.)

What if you waited and you realize that he is not The One – don’t you think that you could save yourself from a lot of heartache (by waiting)?

My advice (once again):
Get to know the person. Take your time. Hopefully he’ll stick around because he really likes you (– else, why would you want to date him anyway). What if he actually falls in love with you for the real person you are – would that be such a terrible thing?

Or would you prefer to jump right in and maybe just have him in your life because you are just so damn easy?

When Mr Right is not all that right for you

Girl, listen up.

No man should ever lift a hand to a woman. If he does that – he is not a man. We call that a low-life bastard. Get the hell out of a relationship where you aren’t treated with respect. Where you have to cover up bruises and scars.

He won’t change – EVER. When a man hits a woman once, chances are a 100% that he will do it again – even if he apologises and promises to never do it again.

The second Mr Not-so-right scenario is just as bad, its emotional and devastating. Verbal and or psychological abuse. This is probably the most devastating form of abuse as it leaves scars where nobody can see.

If you are in a relationship where he makes you feel small and insignificant, it definitely means that you should get out.

Lets talk about you, the temptress, the no strings girl

Interesting subject. Mmm. I should maybe have added the heading as “The Orgasm Kicks Him Out Of Bed Syndrome”, but it might have looked like a really “dirty” book!

You want a man in your life – but not to date. You want him as a guy you can call with one request no matter what the time or day. Lets just say it – Its all about sex.

Why girls just do it with Mr Right-for-now
She’s lonely, sexually frustrated and open about it. She wants it and not him. She wants to orgasm and let go. She wants to cuddle and be kissed. She wants the companionship for a moment – but not long enough to have anything meaningful.

Where do girls meet men that are willing to service them?
Online, at clubs or even an old friend. Guys are easy and reckless. So if you really have to – just be safe.

Why girls could get hurt when it is all she wants
As a woman, no matter how much you try to deny it, you tend to get a little emotionally involved with people you have a long-term fling or sexual relationship with. That’s just how we were made.

When a man is not man enough for you

When your friends and family warns you that a guy is not your type – usually thay are right.

I had to date a guy for 3 years to finally realise that I couldn’t stand him!

My “unmanly man” had these symptoms
• Fear of commitment
• Self-image issues
• Indecisiveness
• Whining was encourage above finding a solution

When you should realise it is enough (and walk out)
• When he can’t propose after 3 years.
• When he can’t buy a house or car because he can’t decide… for two years.
• When he says… you will be on the photograph with me – even if you are my floozy.
• When he yells at you and refuses to go for couples counselling.

Why women have it easier online (than men)

It is definitely easier for women to meet men online.

Women online have it so much easier than men, as they can just publish a pretty pic on a dating website and voila... the fans and emails fill up their inboxes.
The poor guys on the other hand, have to email and do the woo-ing and hopefully get a reply.

I have to admit that I'm strict on the criteria I set... if he is too old, has facial hair (stubble is ok) or looks like a komodo dragon - I'm sorry, but NO - and I hit that block button!

I'm suspecting that men far outnumber women online. I wonder why.

Why some people have success on a dating website

Take note if you aren't open to the experience of meeting new fiends and maybe the person of your dreams... you will have wasted your subscription money on a dating website.

To trust the online dating culture - or not?
My opinion? I would much rather email a person and maybe after a long, long, long while meet them.

Why? I guess I really hate that any guy can look me up and down and undress me with his eyes! At least online I can control what they see or get to know.

I will never apologise for loving my life and friends that I have online.

Online vs Real World life
In real live and online:
- you will meet nice people and then the not so nice people
- you could meet lunatics and stalkers
- the person of you dreams

Real World:
- you can hide your physical address
- or move house as much as possible
- but not your physical appearance
- or personality
- you'll only meet people where you are physically present

Online:
- you can hide your email address
- or open a new account
- you can hide your physical appearance
- have as many personas as you wish - or just one...
- you could meet people from right around the world

When other people’s feelings could get hurt (in your quest to finding your Mr Perfect)

During the dating adventure of your life, you will probably impress quite a few of the male species. Some might even fall for you right away. Sigh, this is where serial dating can become a serial heartbreak experience for your male fans.

I wish I knew how to handle this perfectly, but I’ll be honest in admitting that sometimes I’m just so clueless on how to handle situations where somebody has a crush on me. I’m in this game to search for my Mr Perfect, I don’t know exactly who he is, but how should I know whom it is, if I can’t date guys for fear of hurting them? I really just don’t know!

How do I think situations like these should be handled?
Upfront, on a date – if a guy shows interest and you’re not sure, tell him that you are not going to commit to any serious relationships as you are not sure of what you want – and that you would prefer to first be friends and settle into your new job/house/single status.

Date 10: The guy with the most amazing smile

I find myself in a very precarious situation as I met this amazing guy in very unusual circumstances (which I will not mention).

Within a few minutes of meeting this guy – I knew that he is everything that I thought he would be and so much more. He has the most amazing smile, personality and hands. (I think that I could drown in that smile and melt in those arms! *sigh*) I’ll admit, I know nothing about him, except what he does and his name, but… I’m speechless.(So girls, there are still some really nice guys out there.)

The Explanation
I really enjoyed meeting him, but the circumstances in which we met might not have been all that ideal. On the other hand – he did sms me the next day before he went to work – and that is a definite brownie point with me. So right now I have to step back and not try and push this.

The Verdict
I would love to get to know you.

To long distance or not

I really don't know much about this, but since I've been on a dating website or two, I've been contacted by men all over the world. It's fun chatting to them - but is this all that it could ever be?

This is how I see it - either one of you will have to plan a holiday in the other person's country or just accept that the perfect person will never be yours.

I know, its not always another country but sometimes just more than 25km away. Personally, I don't date men living outside of a 10km radius. I'm a hard working girl and don't have time to drive around ok.
If you don't mind traveling - go for it.

Extra
I know of a guy that used to drive 800km a weekend to see his girlfriend - unfortunately she cheated on him when they were apart.

How to describe your ideal man on a dating website

This part is oh so important – even if the guys don’t read it, it gives you an escape route if you think you need to justify a profile blocking.

Whatever you are looking for, say it. If you are looking for a sugar daddy or just fun… it’s your choice, but be specific. The guys are on a dating website for a reason, maybe it matches yours, maybe it doesn’t.

Example:
At my age I should know what I want... so bear with me :)
A man that knows what he wants. He should be able to speak his mind. Be super smart and super romantic (on occasion that is). Have (some kind of) a sense of humor.
I demand a lot of attention - but I'm worth every bit of it. (so if you think that your friends will ALWAYS be more important than me, you're NOT the one).
You should know that we definitely need to have our separate hobbies and that spending every moment together is great... only if you are my shadow.
If you are allergic to cats... I'm sorry, but it just won't work.
BTW. I'm NOT looking for a sugar daddy, old man or whiner - or a girlfriend.

How to write an award winning profile for a dating website

Whatever you choose to write, be honest about yourself and the things you want.

This is the profile description I used. It’s honest, shows vulnerability, but firmly states my lifestyle – most importantly, I tell them that they will have to ask if they want to know more. (The call to action.)

Remember, online the guys have choice and you need to market yourself honestly and effectively. Either a guy will love what he reads and become a fan or hate it and move along – either way, you win.

Example:
More about me... mmm… I know for sure that I'm extremely private and don't really talk about myself.
I'm a designer and am addicted to my notebook. I adore my kitten. (so if you don't like cats... go to the next profile)
I love it when it rains but hide under the covers when the thunder gets too hectic. I'm scared of the dark, small spaces and crowds at big blow-out sales. I don't like to gym - but I do some excercise. I love the smell of lavender and roses; and the taste of good juice and chocolates.
I can make delicious baked chocolate pudding but I suck at making really good food.
I have a shy smile with one big dimple - and it always makes my blue eyes twinkle.
My soul loves listening to Jamie Cullum and sometimes even some LIVE. I write a bit of poetry and read my news online.
... thats it. The rest you will have to ask.

Serial Dating Blunders (Part 3)

Scenario 5: The Older Guy (30+, which means back then 5/6 years older)
Dating an older guy is really hard. They are set in their ways and don’t always understand that the new breed of women will not stand for being treated like a servant.

Unfortunately the guy forgot that table manners is mandatory when going to a posh restaurant… he just scoffed down his food and the sauce was everywhere. It was terrible!

The dark side of online dating

So, you’ve decided you’re going to give this online thing a bash? The biggest drawback (and plus point) is the exposure you receive.

• Your face is available to anyone that visits the site.
• People that know you might stumble across your profile.
• Have you ever seen the “Date of the day picture” on news sites?
• You get psychos online… and they can cyber stalk you.

Then again – those that aren’t willing to take chances… will die alone!