Another countdown

I have lots to count down to this year, Europe and the big secret.

Why do I suddenly have secrets? Well, Its not really a secret, more like an untold certainty. I know that most of you have guessed it anyway, but first off to Europe and then the rest of my life can happen. (Sounds a bit crazy - doesn't it?)

This weekend we will have the first mixed friends social at my house. Should be interesting as we have very different types of friends. I'm just I'm thinking, pool, sun, pool noodle and food.

What does compatibility have to do with love and relationships?

How difficult is it to date someone that is the complete opposite of you? Will it work in the long run? Won't you just get fed up with having to have to deal with a short tempered or completely chilled person?

Will your relationship last? Will you have the patience and will to make your relationship succeed? (- or will you give up and move on?)

Obviously I'm writing a post on this as I have noticed that my boyfriend is the complete opposite of me. I have a short temper and don't really have any patience (as patience is not a virtue, but rather for people with too much time on their hands), nor do I function all that well when things don't go as planned - but on the other hand I can think on my feet and get things done when I need to.

Now the obvious next question is - how do laid back people cope with dating the aries type?

BTW - this is post 101 :)

A recipe for love

Ingredients:

C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N
Talk about stuff. Your life, work, childhood - as long as you talk.

Attention. Attention. Attention.
Yes, you will have to pay copious amounts of attention to eachother.

Activities TOGETHER.
Movies, talk, picnics etc.
Spending time together will either cement a bond or drive you apart very quickly.

The all important HONESTY factor.
If something your new love does drives you insane... address the issue.
If you're not in the mood to see your love interest - speak out.

Method:
Mix all ingredients together and pay attention.

To be a cautious dater or not…

I bet you have made yourself guilty of throwing caution to the wind when you think you met Mr Right – on a first date.

What if you could just wait a few dates before proclaiming your undying devotion – do you really think that it would make a difference in his life?

What if you get too serious too soon and you awaken the fear (all) men have? (The fear of commitment.)

What if you waited and you realize that he is not The One – don’t you think that you could save yourself from a lot of heartache (by waiting)?

My advice (once again):
Get to know the person. Take your time. Hopefully he’ll stick around because he really likes you (– else, why would you want to date him anyway). What if he actually falls in love with you for the real person you are – would that be such a terrible thing?

Or would you prefer to jump right in and maybe just have him in your life because you are just so damn easy?

When do you give up on finding the love of your life?

Ok, I admit, today I'm past feeling blue. I actually feel black.

Lets face it, I have met many wonderful guys online and offline... and there are still a few that I need to meet (that I'm chatting to), but I'm just about ready to accept that as smart and pretty as I am, I might end up being a spinster.

Am I a bit pre-mature in throwing in the towel?
Right now, according to me - I should've thrown in the towel before I met my previous ex. I think I could've saved myself a lot of unnecessary time with a guy that would not be man enough for me.

Let me ask this. How many of you are tired of always dating the wrong guys? By this I mean: the whiner, sleaze bag, anti commitment guy, etc? I know that I am.

What's my plans?
mmm I think I'll just party more. At least I have single friends that are just fantabulous!

Why women have it easier online (than men)

It is definitely easier for women to meet men online.

Women online have it so much easier than men, as they can just publish a pretty pic on a dating website and voila... the fans and emails fill up their inboxes.
The poor guys on the other hand, have to email and do the woo-ing and hopefully get a reply.

I have to admit that I'm strict on the criteria I set... if he is too old, has facial hair (stubble is ok) or looks like a komodo dragon - I'm sorry, but NO - and I hit that block button!

I'm suspecting that men far outnumber women online. I wonder why.

Why some people have success on a dating website

Take note if you aren't open to the experience of meeting new fiends and maybe the person of your dreams... you will have wasted your subscription money on a dating website.

To trust the online dating culture - or not?
My opinion? I would much rather email a person and maybe after a long, long, long while meet them.

Why? I guess I really hate that any guy can look me up and down and undress me with his eyes! At least online I can control what they see or get to know.

I will never apologise for loving my life and friends that I have online.

Online vs Real World life
In real live and online:
- you will meet nice people and then the not so nice people
- you could meet lunatics and stalkers
- the person of you dreams

Real World:
- you can hide your physical address
- or move house as much as possible
- but not your physical appearance
- or personality
- you'll only meet people where you are physically present

Online:
- you can hide your email address
- or open a new account
- you can hide your physical appearance
- have as many personas as you wish - or just one...
- you could meet people from right around the world

When other people’s feelings could get hurt (in your quest to finding your Mr Perfect)

During the dating adventure of your life, you will probably impress quite a few of the male species. Some might even fall for you right away. Sigh, this is where serial dating can become a serial heartbreak experience for your male fans.

I wish I knew how to handle this perfectly, but I’ll be honest in admitting that sometimes I’m just so clueless on how to handle situations where somebody has a crush on me. I’m in this game to search for my Mr Perfect, I don’t know exactly who he is, but how should I know whom it is, if I can’t date guys for fear of hurting them? I really just don’t know!

How do I think situations like these should be handled?
Upfront, on a date – if a guy shows interest and you’re not sure, tell him that you are not going to commit to any serious relationships as you are not sure of what you want – and that you would prefer to first be friends and settle into your new job/house/single status.

Date 10: The guy with the most amazing smile

I find myself in a very precarious situation as I met this amazing guy in very unusual circumstances (which I will not mention).

Within a few minutes of meeting this guy – I knew that he is everything that I thought he would be and so much more. He has the most amazing smile, personality and hands. (I think that I could drown in that smile and melt in those arms! *sigh*) I’ll admit, I know nothing about him, except what he does and his name, but… I’m speechless.(So girls, there are still some really nice guys out there.)

The Explanation
I really enjoyed meeting him, but the circumstances in which we met might not have been all that ideal. On the other hand – he did sms me the next day before he went to work – and that is a definite brownie point with me. So right now I have to step back and not try and push this.

The Verdict
I would love to get to know you.

To long distance or not

I really don't know much about this, but since I've been on a dating website or two, I've been contacted by men all over the world. It's fun chatting to them - but is this all that it could ever be?

This is how I see it - either one of you will have to plan a holiday in the other person's country or just accept that the perfect person will never be yours.

I know, its not always another country but sometimes just more than 25km away. Personally, I don't date men living outside of a 10km radius. I'm a hard working girl and don't have time to drive around ok.
If you don't mind traveling - go for it.

Extra
I know of a guy that used to drive 800km a weekend to see his girlfriend - unfortunately she cheated on him when they were apart.

How to describe your ideal man on a dating website

This part is oh so important – even if the guys don’t read it, it gives you an escape route if you think you need to justify a profile blocking.

Whatever you are looking for, say it. If you are looking for a sugar daddy or just fun… it’s your choice, but be specific. The guys are on a dating website for a reason, maybe it matches yours, maybe it doesn’t.

Example:
At my age I should know what I want... so bear with me :)
A man that knows what he wants. He should be able to speak his mind. Be super smart and super romantic (on occasion that is). Have (some kind of) a sense of humor.
I demand a lot of attention - but I'm worth every bit of it. (so if you think that your friends will ALWAYS be more important than me, you're NOT the one).
You should know that we definitely need to have our separate hobbies and that spending every moment together is great... only if you are my shadow.
If you are allergic to cats... I'm sorry, but it just won't work.
BTW. I'm NOT looking for a sugar daddy, old man or whiner - or a girlfriend.

How to write an award winning profile for a dating website

Whatever you choose to write, be honest about yourself and the things you want.

This is the profile description I used. It’s honest, shows vulnerability, but firmly states my lifestyle – most importantly, I tell them that they will have to ask if they want to know more. (The call to action.)

Remember, online the guys have choice and you need to market yourself honestly and effectively. Either a guy will love what he reads and become a fan or hate it and move along – either way, you win.

Example:
More about me... mmm… I know for sure that I'm extremely private and don't really talk about myself.
I'm a designer and am addicted to my notebook. I adore my kitten. (so if you don't like cats... go to the next profile)
I love it when it rains but hide under the covers when the thunder gets too hectic. I'm scared of the dark, small spaces and crowds at big blow-out sales. I don't like to gym - but I do some excercise. I love the smell of lavender and roses; and the taste of good juice and chocolates.
I can make delicious baked chocolate pudding but I suck at making really good food.
I have a shy smile with one big dimple - and it always makes my blue eyes twinkle.
My soul loves listening to Jamie Cullum and sometimes even some LIVE. I write a bit of poetry and read my news online.
... thats it. The rest you will have to ask.

Serial Dating Blunders (Part 3)

Scenario 5: The Older Guy (30+, which means back then 5/6 years older)
Dating an older guy is really hard. They are set in their ways and don’t always understand that the new breed of women will not stand for being treated like a servant.

Unfortunately the guy forgot that table manners is mandatory when going to a posh restaurant… he just scoffed down his food and the sauce was everywhere. It was terrible!

The dark side of online dating

So, you’ve decided you’re going to give this online thing a bash? The biggest drawback (and plus point) is the exposure you receive.

• Your face is available to anyone that visits the site.
• People that know you might stumble across your profile.
• Have you ever seen the “Date of the day picture” on news sites?
• You get psychos online… and they can cyber stalk you.

Then again – those that aren’t willing to take chances… will die alone!

Your guide to a fabulous outing

The live sporting event
We know that you’re probably not a sports fanatic – but you know what, men are. Get your girlfriends and go! I promise you will attract many a sports fanatic’s eye and have loads of eye candy. Best of all you would’ve experienced a fun day/night out.

* We went to a one day international between South Africa and Pakistan – on Valentine’s Day. We decided only at noon that … mmm
why not? We walked two kilometers to the stadium – on heels and in office wear. We enjoyed this adventure tremendously!

Night at a trendy restaurant
Drag those lazy single friends out to a trendy restaurant for dinner and cocktails – you might be lucky enough to have a cute waiter or better yet, a table right next to you filled with guys! Plus – you don’t have to try eat one of those TV dinners you live on!

The physical activity night out
Volleyball, tenpin bowling, whatever – if you’re not a player, go as a proud supporter. You will probably enjoy the scenery more than expected!

* We went to a company teambuilding event and ended up being the last people to leave. I should probably mention that the barmen were young and dangerously hot. We had body shots off them – and they were the ones insisting on making us drink!

Learning new skills
Have you ever considered learning to play poker? This is a skill based game – and you may one day play against a cute guy that you can impress. Did I mention this is a fun activity to play with the girls and guys alike? (Un)Fortunately we are not that adventurous - but you could always play strip poker

* We played poker with the guys after a wild night out. The guys appreciated the competition and company – and we only got to bed at five in the morning. I felt like a train drove over me – twice, but it was worth the good company.

How to get all the attention (Part 1)

Do you have the skills to make men flock to you in droves? If not, keep reading!

So, you went out with the girls and you’re at a table, but a few tables away there is a bunch of really cute guys – what do you do? Make sure your lips are glossed and smile. Glance over to their table and make eye contact, look away… repeat. If this does not convey to the guy that you would like him to say hi, then go to plan b.

Plan B: send a note or go there yourself.
Walk over and introduce yourself, but don’t hang around too long… 90 seconds max – and leave them.
The ball is now in his hands.

Out at the club? Sway those hips girl! If you don’t have the moves go for “sensual dancing lessons”, not only will it work those muscles, but will also add some sensuality to your dancing and stride.

Whatever your trick… enjoy the hunt for Mr Perfect or Mr Right-For-Now!

Being single and fabulous at it!

A fabulously gorgeous girl like you needn’t ever stay at home. Phone a friend, hop into your car and go have a cocktail at a hip and happening venue.

Get your social life on track and learn to go to events without a man. Go to “girl’s night out” events – you get snacks and a goodie bags!

Unfortunately there is this day called Valentine’s Day. You may seriously consider calling in sick for the day. Don’t. Book a DVD; Make yourself a candlelit dinner; Take a bubble bath with candles; Go to a live sporting event (there are sure to be few couples and loads of single people).

The point is, you had a life before you dated your last ex. You could have the same now. You just need to get out there and build yourself again. If it means to have a makeover and going to a spa day, then do it!

Don't give in to giving up!

I know, you are tired of dating all the Mr Wrongs out there, but just be patient and enjoy life. Mr Perfect will come to you when you least expect to meet him.

Being on the dating scene is hard work and if you start losing hope you will go into a downward spiral – and this won’t help your quest.

So, be fabulous and flirtatious!

How do you know if your offline date was (really) unsuccessful?

Either you dreaded each minute that you spend in your date’s company or think that he is kind of cute.

I guess it’s never easy to tell a person that you meet for the first time (on a offline date) that you don’t think that this will go anywhere. Worse yet, if the two of you flirt… and you get an email later only.

The point is, you may think that you know the person – because you emailed for so long before meeting, but the truth is, people are different online. They can be anything they want to be and this is the picture you have of them.

Don’t try guess what someone is thinking after the first date – just ask, so what if you don’t receive a positive response. If you can’t be honest after meeting – then why even try continue?

Kudos for Online Dating

The best part of meeting people on a dating website is that you always end up with a couple of really nice friends or introduce a friend to her dream man. Did I mention that you get loads of emails and you can become addicted to logging in? It also is a great pick me up when you see that you’ve gained another fan!

I read a profile once of a guy in Pretoria called “BruinBrood”. This guy sounded so perfect for a friend. I set them up on a blind date – without meeting him. Obviously my friend was mortified at the mere thought of a blind date. She eventually allowed me to forward her number to him. They set up a coffee date. They started dating and got married not long after.

This one doesn’t have a happy ending, but … I dated this guy 3 years and I met him online. It just turned out that he was not man enough for me.