To be a cautious dater or not…

I bet you have made yourself guilty of throwing caution to the wind when you think you met Mr Right – on a first date.

What if you could just wait a few dates before proclaiming your undying devotion – do you really think that it would make a difference in his life?

What if you get too serious too soon and you awaken the fear (all) men have? (The fear of commitment.)

What if you waited and you realize that he is not The One – don’t you think that you could save yourself from a lot of heartache (by waiting)?

My advice (once again):
Get to know the person. Take your time. Hopefully he’ll stick around because he really likes you (– else, why would you want to date him anyway). What if he actually falls in love with you for the real person you are – would that be such a terrible thing?

Or would you prefer to jump right in and maybe just have him in your life because you are just so damn easy?

What is sexier than a man in a kitchen?

I cannot stress enough that a man in the kitchen is sexy. They always look so adorable in an apron and with that smile they have when they know that you are watching.

Tales of men in kitchens:

A previous ex I dated was a messy cook. Whenever he cooked – he used to dirty up the whole kitchen. I could never understand why… until one day I realized that maybe it was because he knew that somebody would clean it up.

One of the more unsuccessful kitchen gods and I tried to make a milktart… unfortunately neither of us have ever done the tart thing before. Needless to say… the tart didn’t look all that well and neither one of us wanted to be the guinea pig to taste it.

I think the best cook I have ever dated was the Italian. Italians make great pasta. I love pasta – what can I say. Unfortunately I liked his pasta more than I him.

Once I started seeing a chef – but the weird thing is… he never cooked for me. I wonder why.

Anyone for a bizcard?

What would you do if you got handed a guy's business card?
You have never met him. He lives in your complex. He has obviously seen you entering your house.

This is my take on it.
ARE YOU STALKING ME YOU FREAK?!
Don't sent me your business card - I don't want to do business with you.
Thank you for adding your unit number - I'll be sure not to go knocking on your door.

In short guys, if you want to meet a girl in your complex - try introducing yourself in person.

The Male Flirt

Now this was a interesting specimen of the male species to study. He flirts like a girl and effortlessly darts between the girls he flirts with. Some girls might not mind being one of many... but let's say this out loud - no way!

At a birthday dinner, I had the pleasure of meeting one of these flirtatious men.
His modus operandi is:
- smiles into your eyes
- eye contact is direct and lingering
- talks only to you (for a few minutes)
- then moves on
- later, when you think... what ever - he returns to repeat the cycle

I'm sure he has perfected the art of reading body language and tell tale signs like pupils that enlarge...

It was interesting to observe the darting buttefly move by a man.

The two steps back syndrome

I'm at a stage right now that whenever someone gets too close I feel like I'm suffocating. I have these horrible flashbacks of the relationship that I was in and I choke. I literally see myself being wrapped up and placed right back in the display case and I just can't do it. I can't.

I know, some day I'm going to have to get over my fear of dating the wrong guy again... but in the meanwhile I just need to breathe.

Date 10: The guy with the most amazing smile

I find myself in a very precarious situation as I met this amazing guy in very unusual circumstances (which I will not mention).

Within a few minutes of meeting this guy – I knew that he is everything that I thought he would be and so much more. He has the most amazing smile, personality and hands. (I think that I could drown in that smile and melt in those arms! *sigh*) I’ll admit, I know nothing about him, except what he does and his name, but… I’m speechless.(So girls, there are still some really nice guys out there.)

The Explanation
I really enjoyed meeting him, but the circumstances in which we met might not have been all that ideal. On the other hand – he did sms me the next day before he went to work – and that is a definite brownie point with me. So right now I have to step back and not try and push this.

The Verdict
I would love to get to know you.

To long distance or not

I really don't know much about this, but since I've been on a dating website or two, I've been contacted by men all over the world. It's fun chatting to them - but is this all that it could ever be?

This is how I see it - either one of you will have to plan a holiday in the other person's country or just accept that the perfect person will never be yours.

I know, its not always another country but sometimes just more than 25km away. Personally, I don't date men living outside of a 10km radius. I'm a hard working girl and don't have time to drive around ok.
If you don't mind traveling - go for it.

Extra
I know of a guy that used to drive 800km a weekend to see his girlfriend - unfortunately she cheated on him when they were apart.

How to describe your ideal man on a dating website

This part is oh so important – even if the guys don’t read it, it gives you an escape route if you think you need to justify a profile blocking.

Whatever you are looking for, say it. If you are looking for a sugar daddy or just fun… it’s your choice, but be specific. The guys are on a dating website for a reason, maybe it matches yours, maybe it doesn’t.

Example:
At my age I should know what I want... so bear with me :)
A man that knows what he wants. He should be able to speak his mind. Be super smart and super romantic (on occasion that is). Have (some kind of) a sense of humor.
I demand a lot of attention - but I'm worth every bit of it. (so if you think that your friends will ALWAYS be more important than me, you're NOT the one).
You should know that we definitely need to have our separate hobbies and that spending every moment together is great... only if you are my shadow.
If you are allergic to cats... I'm sorry, but it just won't work.
BTW. I'm NOT looking for a sugar daddy, old man or whiner - or a girlfriend.

How to write an award winning profile for a dating website

Whatever you choose to write, be honest about yourself and the things you want.

This is the profile description I used. It’s honest, shows vulnerability, but firmly states my lifestyle – most importantly, I tell them that they will have to ask if they want to know more. (The call to action.)

Remember, online the guys have choice and you need to market yourself honestly and effectively. Either a guy will love what he reads and become a fan or hate it and move along – either way, you win.

Example:
More about me... mmm… I know for sure that I'm extremely private and don't really talk about myself.
I'm a designer and am addicted to my notebook. I adore my kitten. (so if you don't like cats... go to the next profile)
I love it when it rains but hide under the covers when the thunder gets too hectic. I'm scared of the dark, small spaces and crowds at big blow-out sales. I don't like to gym - but I do some excercise. I love the smell of lavender and roses; and the taste of good juice and chocolates.
I can make delicious baked chocolate pudding but I suck at making really good food.
I have a shy smile with one big dimple - and it always makes my blue eyes twinkle.
My soul loves listening to Jamie Cullum and sometimes even some LIVE. I write a bit of poetry and read my news online.
... thats it. The rest you will have to ask.

Serial Dating Blunders (Part 3)

Scenario 5: The Older Guy (30+, which means back then 5/6 years older)
Dating an older guy is really hard. They are set in their ways and don’t always understand that the new breed of women will not stand for being treated like a servant.

Unfortunately the guy forgot that table manners is mandatory when going to a posh restaurant… he just scoffed down his food and the sauce was everywhere. It was terrible!

The dark side of online dating

So, you’ve decided you’re going to give this online thing a bash? The biggest drawback (and plus point) is the exposure you receive.

• Your face is available to anyone that visits the site.
• People that know you might stumble across your profile.
• Have you ever seen the “Date of the day picture” on news sites?
• You get psychos online… and they can cyber stalk you.

Then again – those that aren’t willing to take chances… will die alone!

How to get all the attention (Part 1)

Do you have the skills to make men flock to you in droves? If not, keep reading!

So, you went out with the girls and you’re at a table, but a few tables away there is a bunch of really cute guys – what do you do? Make sure your lips are glossed and smile. Glance over to their table and make eye contact, look away… repeat. If this does not convey to the guy that you would like him to say hi, then go to plan b.

Plan B: send a note or go there yourself.
Walk over and introduce yourself, but don’t hang around too long… 90 seconds max – and leave them.
The ball is now in his hands.

Out at the club? Sway those hips girl! If you don’t have the moves go for “sensual dancing lessons”, not only will it work those muscles, but will also add some sensuality to your dancing and stride.

Whatever your trick… enjoy the hunt for Mr Perfect or Mr Right-For-Now!

Being single and fabulous at it!

A fabulously gorgeous girl like you needn’t ever stay at home. Phone a friend, hop into your car and go have a cocktail at a hip and happening venue.

Get your social life on track and learn to go to events without a man. Go to “girl’s night out” events – you get snacks and a goodie bags!

Unfortunately there is this day called Valentine’s Day. You may seriously consider calling in sick for the day. Don’t. Book a DVD; Make yourself a candlelit dinner; Take a bubble bath with candles; Go to a live sporting event (there are sure to be few couples and loads of single people).

The point is, you had a life before you dated your last ex. You could have the same now. You just need to get out there and build yourself again. If it means to have a makeover and going to a spa day, then do it!

Don't give in to giving up!

I know, you are tired of dating all the Mr Wrongs out there, but just be patient and enjoy life. Mr Perfect will come to you when you least expect to meet him.

Being on the dating scene is hard work and if you start losing hope you will go into a downward spiral – and this won’t help your quest.

So, be fabulous and flirtatious!

How do you know if your offline date was (really) unsuccessful?

Either you dreaded each minute that you spend in your date’s company or think that he is kind of cute.

I guess it’s never easy to tell a person that you meet for the first time (on a offline date) that you don’t think that this will go anywhere. Worse yet, if the two of you flirt… and you get an email later only.

The point is, you may think that you know the person – because you emailed for so long before meeting, but the truth is, people are different online. They can be anything they want to be and this is the picture you have of them.

Don’t try guess what someone is thinking after the first date – just ask, so what if you don’t receive a positive response. If you can’t be honest after meeting – then why even try continue?

Kudos for Online Dating

The best part of meeting people on a dating website is that you always end up with a couple of really nice friends or introduce a friend to her dream man. Did I mention that you get loads of emails and you can become addicted to logging in? It also is a great pick me up when you see that you’ve gained another fan!

I read a profile once of a guy in Pretoria called “BruinBrood”. This guy sounded so perfect for a friend. I set them up on a blind date – without meeting him. Obviously my friend was mortified at the mere thought of a blind date. She eventually allowed me to forward her number to him. They set up a coffee date. They started dating and got married not long after.

This one doesn’t have a happy ending, but … I dated this guy 3 years and I met him online. It just turned out that he was not man enough for me.

Why do people choose to meet online?

I’ve asked this question to hundreds of guys and the answers vary quite a bit.

The Good Answers:
• Don’t like meeting people at clubs/bars
• Easier to browse through profiles
• It’s safer
• No hassles and you can see what the person wants upfront on their profiles

My reason is quite simple. It’s a numbers game to meet the right person – and this is a great way to first chat and then (maybe) go on a offline date.

How do you know if your offline date was (really) unsuccessful?

Either you dread each minute that you spend in your date’s company or think that he is kind of cute.

I guess it’s never easy to tell a person that you meet for the first time (on a offline date) that you don’t think that this will go anywhere. Worse yet, if the two of you flirt… and you get an email later only.

The point is, you may think that you know the person – because you emailed for so long before meeting, but the truth is, people are different online. They can be anything they want to be and this is the picture you have of them.

Don’t try guess what someone is thinking after the first date – just ask, so what if you don’t receive a positive response. If you can’t be honest after meeting – then why even try continue?

Dating continued (Dates 5 - 9)

Date 5 and 6: Mr Pet Owner (English/Afrikaans Guy)
Finally, a guy that owns a cat! We went for drinks. He seemed fine – so I’ll probably go on a lunch date with him.
Lunch was great – if you didn’t count the number of times that the silence got too much! Sigh, and I thought he was a possibility!

The Explanation:
We had little in common. Actually we had only our cats in common.

The Verdict:
No. Maybe the cats could go on a play date.

Date 7: Mr Selfish Lawyer (English/Afrikaans Guy)

I, I, I, I,… two hours of torture. I tried to escape, but I guess that everybody else had tried escaping his monotonous

The Explanation:
I still thought I was prettier than him.

The Verdict:
zzzzzzzzz

Date 8: The Playboy (English Guy)

I met this really hunky guy at a cocktail bar in Rivonia. We hit it off immediately. We even set up a second date.
The second date was terrible. He pitched up late (strike 1) he was tipsy (strike 2) he got fresh the minute he walked in the door (strike 3) and then he was outta there.
2 years later he contacted me to see if I’m still unattached. Poor guy.

The Explanation:
Looks doesn’t make the guy. Get that? He was pretty and not ruled by his brain. I want more than The Playboy.

The Verdict:
Yeah, that was not fun.

Date 9: Mr Co-Worker (Afrikaans Guy)

You’ve all had that guy that works with you that has a crush on you – right? The guy that asks you out a million times in 2 years…

We’ve been friends for awhile so I thought I could convince him that it’s normal to rather want to be my friend – so I accepted an invite for coffee after work.
After all the chit chat about daily things I got asked the question that I was really dreading. “So, why don’t we try the dating thing?” That question meant the end of our friendship – I had to say no.

The next day I received an email from him saying he wasn’t relationship material! Big surprise.

The Explanation:
Friends are so much more important than a boyfriend and if a friend can’t hear what you are saying, then he isn’t a friend.
The worst was that he let his bruised ego end a perfectly good friendship.

The Verdict:
I’m sorry I lost a friend, but not that I wouldn’t date him.

How do you know if your offline date was successful?

How do you know that the great date you thought you just had was really successful?

During the date:
• You had lots to talk about.
• He paid attention to what you said.
• Both of you flirted. (hopefully with eachother)
• He remembered that you had this funny line on your profile.

At the end of the date:
• Did he walk you to your car?
• Did he ask if he could see you again?
• Did you have a smile on your face?
• Did he have a smile on his face?

Whatever you do – don’t kiss him or shake hands, rather just touch his arm for a second too long and smile. That is the best advice anyone can give you – promise. I have used this a million times - he’ll love that you touched him and wonder what it would be like kissing you.

In the next 24 hours:
• Did he email/ sms / call you to say thank you for the date?