Friday, February 23, 2007

Why do people choose to meet online?

I’ve asked this question to hundreds of guys and the answers vary quite a bit.

The Good Answers:
• Don’t like meeting people at clubs/bars
• Easier to browse through profiles
• It’s safer
• No hassles and you can see what the person wants upfront on their profiles

My reason is quite simple. It’s a numbers game to meet the right person – and this is a great way to first chat and then (maybe) go on a offline date.

How do you know if your offline date was (really) unsuccessful?

Either you dread each minute that you spend in your date’s company or think that he is kind of cute.

I guess it’s never easy to tell a person that you meet for the first time (on a offline date) that you don’t think that this will go anywhere. Worse yet, if the two of you flirt… and you get an email later only.

The point is, you may think that you know the person – because you emailed for so long before meeting, but the truth is, people are different online. They can be anything they want to be and this is the picture you have of them.

Don’t try guess what someone is thinking after the first date – just ask, so what if you don’t receive a positive response. If you can’t be honest after meeting – then why even try continue?

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Dating continued (Dates 5 - 9)

Date 5 and 6: Mr Pet Owner (English/Afrikaans Guy)
Finally, a guy that owns a cat! We went for drinks. He seemed fine – so I’ll probably go on a lunch date with him.
Lunch was great – if you didn’t count the number of times that the silence got too much! Sigh, and I thought he was a possibility!

The Explanation:
We had little in common. Actually we had only our cats in common.

The Verdict:
No. Maybe the cats could go on a play date.

Date 7: Mr Selfish Lawyer (English/Afrikaans Guy)

I, I, I, I,… two hours of torture. I tried to escape, but I guess that everybody else had tried escaping his monotonous

The Explanation:
I still thought I was prettier than him.

The Verdict:

Date 8: The Playboy (English Guy)

I met this really hunky guy at a cocktail bar in Rivonia. We hit it off immediately. We even set up a second date.
The second date was terrible. He pitched up late (strike 1) he was tipsy (strike 2) he got fresh the minute he walked in the door (strike 3) and then he was outta there.
2 years later he contacted me to see if I’m still unattached. Poor guy.

The Explanation:
Looks doesn’t make the guy. Get that? He was pretty and not ruled by his brain. I want more than The Playboy.

The Verdict:
Yeah, that was not fun.

Date 9: Mr Co-Worker (Afrikaans Guy)

You’ve all had that guy that works with you that has a crush on you – right? The guy that asks you out a million times in 2 years…

We’ve been friends for awhile so I thought I could convince him that it’s normal to rather want to be my friend – so I accepted an invite for coffee after work.
After all the chit chat about daily things I got asked the question that I was really dreading. “So, why don’t we try the dating thing?” That question meant the end of our friendship – I had to say no.

The next day I received an email from him saying he wasn’t relationship material! Big surprise.

The Explanation:
Friends are so much more important than a boyfriend and if a friend can’t hear what you are saying, then he isn’t a friend.
The worst was that he let his bruised ego end a perfectly good friendship.

The Verdict:
I’m sorry I lost a friend, but not that I wouldn’t date him.

How do you know if your offline date was successful?

How do you know that the great date you thought you just had was really successful?

During the date:
• You had lots to talk about.
• He paid attention to what you said.
• Both of you flirted. (hopefully with eachother)
• He remembered that you had this funny line on your profile.

At the end of the date:
• Did he walk you to your car?
• Did he ask if he could see you again?
• Did you have a smile on your face?
• Did he have a smile on his face?

Whatever you do – don’t kiss him or shake hands, rather just touch his arm for a second too long and smile. That is the best advice anyone can give you – promise. I have used this a million times - he’ll love that you touched him and wonder what it would be like kissing you.

In the next 24 hours:
• Did he email/ sms / call you to say thank you for the date?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Mr Perfect – is he just socially inept or too busy?

Is my Mr Perfect socially inept? Why would he be online? Is it a "modern times" believe that the best people hang out online? Is he just bored at work or too busy to go out?

Why would we feel that we could meet our soul mates online?

So if you had to weed out 99% of the men that you meet online… why not just meet him at a club or through mutual friends? Surely Mr Perfect has friends?

Monday, February 19, 2007

Serial Dating Blunders (Part 2)

Scenario 3: Mr Wrong On All Levels
This is a legendary tale that a whole lot of people would love to erase from their memory.
My cousin was set up on this blind date by a friend of hers. The friend apparently met this guy on a sms flirt thing – and she thought this guy was so fantastic and she just had to introduce him.

Poor cousin eventually said yes to this fateful date but with the understanding that it would happen in a public place with me and a friend. The day finally arrived and the guy pitched up…

Imagine this… short guy walking under an umbrella; his buttocks protruding to such an extent that his height might’ve been equal to that.
We ordered alcoholic beverages to try soften the extreme shock of this guy’s appearance. We ordered more drinks to try and survive the torture of his incessant bragging.

At the end of the date my (by now half-irritated, half-furious) cousin informed the guy that she is NOT interested. Then he turned around and asked if he could have my number. Needless to say… we will never forget BubbleBum.

Scenario 4: Mr I Still Live @ Home (and I’m over 25)
On paper, apparently, everyone seems normal. On a coffee date almost every guy gets a 0 for communication skills due to the fact that they never had to let go of the apron strings!

I met one of these creatures. He was 26, living at home and had no social skills.
Also, the picture that was on his profile… must’ve been taken in his teens – before he lost 60% of his hair!

Needless to say – this was a dud date.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Date 4: Dating The Ex from 7 years ago (Afrikaans Guy)

I dated this guy back in 2000. I really liked him – everything about him. It didn’t work, but let’s just say my heart was broken.

Non-date at the movies. Coffee at my place. We talked and ended up kissing.

The Explanation:
We both still had feelings for each other. Unfortunately we don’t want the same things right now. I won’t contact him again – this should be his decision.

I guess it will always be a dicey affair to go on a date with an ex, but to see him again was really fantastic.

The Verdict:
I would’ve really liked to date this guy (again).

Date 3: Mr Short Term (English Guy)

This guy is really cute, actually he is perfect. He is on time for the date, has flowers, treats the waiter ok – did I mention we have so much in common?
Unfortunately the more I ask personal questions, the more I get the wrong answers.

The Explanation:
He is fun and has a serious relationship with his career and lifestyle. Unfortunately he is NOT dating material. No, you cannot see where it goes or try to change his mind. You are setting yourself up for heartache.

The Verdict:

Date XXX: The 36 Hour Date (English Guy)

The second date, 19:00 on a Friday night, DVDs at my place. The invite said: “strictly as friends”.

So, the date went well. We stayed up talking and fell asleep on the lounge floor. We woke up later and realized… he never went home, but I’m ok with it. He leaves, but makes a breakfast date. We go for breakfast. We spend the rest of the day talking.

The Explanation:
The date went really well but nothing more than talking and maybe a kiss at the end. You have a choice on how to take this further.
1. get to know him and keep it at kissing
2. jump right in and date him/sleep with him (not recommended)

The Verdict:
Would like to get to know him first.

Serial Dating Blunders (Part 1)

We all get them – the duds of the dating world. Your worst nightmare, to be stuck at a table for an hour and no escape without being rude. My advice – ditch the dud! If you have to escape through the kitchen door or bathroom window – do it! The phone call trick does not work anymore – these duds know these tricks!

Scenario 1: Mr I Lied About My Height (English Guy)
He gets out of his car… is he still not standing upright? Why is his head barely visible above the car? He said 1.70 – 1.78… but he is more like 1.60! I know I mentioned I’m tall and I like wearing heels. Maybe I neglected mentioning that I’m tall like an Amazon Warrior!

Ok, fine, maybe we can be friends so lets have a glass of wine and chat.
Argh! The whole 2 hours he tried to play footsie. He nearly ruined my sandals!

Scenario 2: Mr “Smooth” Operator (Afrikaans Guy)
I’ll admit this upfront. My worst dating experiences have always been with Afrikaans guys – and I’m Afrikaans.

The date started out ok… for the first hour or so it was ok. Nice restaurant close to home; Escape routes are everywhere – or so I thought.
Maybe the second glass of wine got to him – maybe it was just his true colors or maybe he is a pervert trying to get his claws into me.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Step 3: Re-evaluate your favourites (on the dating website)

Two dates and 400 emails later you have to evaluate the guys you are emailing. Axe the ones you don't like the pictures of or that wrote an email that irritated you. (You should be able to axe a few that are time-wasters)

Remember you don't have to explain your decision. You paid good money for this service, it is yours to use (to your benefit)!

Now you should have lots of fans and about 30 favourites.
Read your favourites' profiles. Send the cute ones an email.
Sit back and wait for the emails to arrive.

Your Competition (Part 1)

The Golddigger
This specimen is the worst of them all. She will lie. She will sleep with anyone that has more money than her. She will never let go if she has her clutches in your man. Avoid these creatures! Tar and feather them - show no mercy.

Miss Super Sweet Sexy Flirty
Sigh. If you happen to go up against this one you will need to use every trick in the book. She has it all. The easy-going flirtiness oozes out of her. She probably has a look she gives guys that drives them crazy.

Miss Over-easy
Do I need to explain this one? She'll spread 'em. She'll get down and nasty in 5 minutes flat. Guys use her and forgets about her.

Miss I'm-so-loud
Every guy's best friend. She's loud and proud. She is also a shrewd little bitch that'll stab you in the back with a smile on her face.

Miss Bootylicious
She shows more skin than you have on your entire body. Her boobs are huge and in your face. It's ok, most men prefer to be able to hold 'em, so her watermelons may not have the effect she had hoped for.

Miss Natural Beauty
She doesn't look like a doll - but she has the X-factor. She has a beautiful smile; sparkling eyes; hour-glass figure; great hair;
The worst of it all, she is unaware of her beauty.
1 in a million women fall into this category, but they are super hard to beat. Guys love them. They can take her to the rugby or to a ball. She stands out from those that have to spend hours trying to look like her.

The Airhead Doll
Guys love this one. They date 'em, but never marry 'em.

The 101 on guys (Part 2)

Mr Cool
Always hiding behind his beloved labels. Not a bad choice if you had to date someone. Be sure to pack your jacket for long nights at friends and clubs.

Mr Almost-perfect
He has the brains, the bod, the personality - but no spark. Don't date him. Make him set you up with his buddies. Good guys like this have great friends! Maybe you have a single girlfriend that will be perfect for him too!

Mr Blind Date
Just say NO! Under no circumstances should you go on a blind date. NEVER EVER! If your friends pressure you into one of these horrific situations - run for the hills. If you do decide to be brave - meet in a group situation (go to a club with friends).

Mr Perfect (The Elusive One)
To meet this very rare commodity you will need to meet as many as possible guys. Date them if necessary. Mr Right will cross your path when you are in a relationship. Guaranteed.

Mr Money
The following comes to mind...
Big flashy car. Fat/ugly/conceited/delirious.
He will try to impress you with what money can buy - if you are not shallow enough, swim to the other end of the room. If you do decide money is more important than love - good luck on waking up to that.

Date 2: Mr Relationship Addict (English Guy)

mmm... so been chatting to the same person for a week and a bit. A drink should be fine, right?
He seems ok on email and phone. So here we go... date 2.

Nice guy. Would probably set him up with a friend sometime. I just don't feel the spark. Friendship. Clicked on the talking bit and interests.

In the meanwhile I get... "you are so perfect... yada yada.." And no matter how many times you say no to a second date - you still get asked out over and over and over again.

Stop the cutesy look. It is what makes guys weak in the knees.

The Explanation:
He is looking to replace his previous relationship. He would probably date any girl that smiles at him.

The Verdict:
Just friends - ok!!!!

Date 1 - Mr Reputation (The French Guy)

The Date:*say this in a french accent* (after 30 mins)
"so, you love me yet?"

*say this in a normal accent*
"No, I love my cat. But thanks for asking"

"you want to go for movies. you will like french film."
"no, I speak 2 languages... and neither one is french. I gotta go now. sorry."

The Explanation:
This is a classic case of dating a guy just because he is french. So here goes. French men are not nice. They think they are better than everyone and have severe issues when rejected.

The Verdict:

The 101 on guys (Part 1)

Mr Whiner
Recognize this?
I can't do this becoz of this this and this. I don't want to get up today - or any other day, my life is so bad that I should be taken care of and pampered.

Mr Indecisive
I don't know if I should make up my mind today - what if I make the wrong decision? I'd rather sit on the fence and irritate you for the next 3 years.

Mr Selfish
My friends. My Place. You must... Bring me. You can't go coz you have to spend time with me and my friends.

Mr I'm-so-hot
Chicks dig me. I'm the best thing since sliced bread. I will rock your world. I will make your day by trying to get you into bed the moment we meet.

Mr Pathetic
I'm so lonely. Please, please, please date me.

Step 2: Get fans and answer your emails

Getting 130 fans in a week... minimum is what is required. This is a numbers game. You might think 1 of your 130 fans have potential - if you're lucky.

Answer (almost) every mail you receive. Make an effort if you think their profile is ok. Block if they haven't read your profile or noticed that they don't comply with the criteria you specified.

Be firm - you are probably prettier, smarter, cuter, etc than 99% of the other women on the site - no talking to Mr I-want-2-sleep-with-you (and anyone will do)

How to become a (real) serial dater

Step 1:
Subscribe to a dating website
Hey, date me, I'm single and love to walk on clouds and bake cookies. I'm probably too good for you, but hey, I paid 99 bucks and will probably chat to you or block you. You have a 2% chance of meeting me. I have a 1% chance of recognizing you from your picture anyhow.
Write me now, click here!