Thursday, December 20, 2007

2007 and Dating

For all those lonely hearts out there, 2008 may just be the year that you find the love of your life - so, never give up.

I know that the holiday period comes with some sadness and loneliness too - but, you know what, life is too short to sit around and mope, so get busy and do something (anything).

Yes, I've finished writing my "How To Become A (Real) Serial Dater" book and now it is with a literary agent - so keep your fingers crossed! I will however never stop writing this blog, never fear!

Wishing you all a merry Christmas and a prosperous 2008!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Neighbourly Discussions about Online Dating

Last night I had an interesting conversation with my next door neighbour. Both of us have tried the online dating thing but have never quite been all that lucky in love for all the money we spent on subscriptions.

This is what my neighbour had to say:

Online dating allows you to move too easily between partners - it is like a 24 hour menu that constantly changes. Whenever you get tired of one dish all you have to do is move on to the next one on the menu...

Online dating teaches people to actually be promiscuous (in a sense)...

He also told me about an email on "how to write your online dating profile" was sent by one of the sites that encouraged people to write profiles that would make them look better on paper (ie. better than they are in person).

Why I agree:

It is true that in the months that I had spent online and went on dates I always went back to look for someone better than the person that I've just been on a date with. I had so much choice that if something was wrong with a person - no matter how small - I would just move on.

What is your view on online dating?

What does compatibility have to do with love and relationships?

How difficult is it to date someone that is the complete opposite of you? Will it work in the long run? Won't you just get fed up with having to have to deal with a short tempered or completely chilled person?

Will your relationship last? Will you have the patience and will to make your relationship succeed? (- or will you give up and move on?)

Obviously I'm writing a post on this as I have noticed that my boyfriend is the complete opposite of me. I have a short temper and don't really have any patience (as patience is not a virtue, but rather for people with too much time on their hands), nor do I function all that well when things don't go as planned - but on the other hand I can think on my feet and get things done when I need to.

Now the obvious next question is - how do laid back people cope with dating the aries type?

BTW - this is post 101 :)

Monday, October 22, 2007

Time is a precious commodity

Time is so tight nowadays between work, school and dating C* that I have not really had a chance to write - but, I promise that will soon change as I have 3 evening classes left and hopefully soon I'll be getting my ADSL at home too.

When you are on a tight schedule like me you have to start thinking of planning your life better - as obviously that loose schedule I had as a single woman no longer works for me.

I have started to work on a rough draft of how I will be arranging my life.

7:00 - 15:00 at the office
15:30 back in the Northern Subs'
16:00 at school (ends next week)
20:30 get home

7:00 - 15:00 at the office
15:30 back in the Northern Subs'
Do stuff around the house till 6
18:00 C* arrives

7:00 - 15:00 at the office
15:30 back in the Northern Subs'
Do stuff around the house till 6
18:00 C* arrives

7:00 - 15:00 at the office
15:30 back in the Northern Subs'
16:00 at school (this Thursday is the last one at class)
20:30 get home

7:00 - 15:00 at the office
15:30 back in the Northern Subs'
Do stuff around the house till 6/7
18:00 C* arrives or go out with my K*

Saturday & Sunday... try to relax some, get the week's shopping done, do stuff around the house.

Is it just me that never have time to get to everything that I really would like to and need to do?
It just really feels like a day should be a little longer - but then again, would I really work or just watch more TV?

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Meeting the PARENTS...

Meeting the parents is a big step. A huge big scary step (for me). This time however... it was actually fine.

C*'s parents are really nice. (I do have to mention their foreign accents do sometimes make them sound like aliens.) I have been to dinner twice now - and even met the brother.

Unfortunately for C* he had to spent a whole weekend with my family for my school reunion. All the feedback from my family was really good - so I think C* is a keeper.

The next step... meeting all the friends...

Messages that never sink in

Two years... one would think that after 2 years of being turned down the message would've been clear...

I have had an admirer for 2 years now. Unfortunately... this person never gets that we are not meant to be - ever. He has asked me out numerous times. Everytime I say no, he goes into sulk mode... and ignores me (yeah!) but after a week or 2 the cycle starts again.

His modus operandi:
Innocent sms
No response encourages aanother 2 or 3 sms
The 3rd sms will always be another date request
You say... just friends... you get a nasty sms
then the sms stop
a few weeks later... and it starts all over again

I have now resorted to extreme tactics. I have tried being nice, but this has got to stop. I no longer will be accepting any communication from this guy. I will even go as far as barring his number.


Have you ever wondered why you always seem to end up alone and reeling from a rollercoaster relationship?

I used to wonder why I only seem to attract guys that are needy or that have some sort of an "issue". I now know that it is because we cannot let go of the past. We as humans carry baggage until we die ... unless of course you are willing to spend hours talking to a shrink and let go of things that are anyway beyond your control.

I stumbled upon this gem of an advert... Read this advert

Friday, September 7, 2007

A recipe for love


Talk about stuff. Your life, work, childhood - as long as you talk.

Attention. Attention. Attention.
Yes, you will have to pay copious amounts of attention to eachother.

Activities TOGETHER.
Movies, talk, picnics etc.
Spending time together will either cement a bond or drive you apart very quickly.

The all important HONESTY factor.
If something your new love does drives you insane... address the issue.
If you're not in the mood to see your love interest - speak out.

Mix all ingredients together and pay attention.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Date 3 - 4... who would have guessed

Who would've guessed that after date 3 I would fall for yet another Irish guy? Definitely not me.

We have now changed our Facebook Dating Status to say "C* is in a relationship with S*" , so, it is official - I can no longer be a serial dater. Do not fear, I will still be writing this blog.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Facebook and the dating application that doesn't want to let go

Ok, a few weeks ago I added the Facebook Yes/No dating application... (this was when I was still single)

I uninstalled the application a week ago, but I still get the notifications saying that "somebody likes you". I don't mind the application having bugs, but this is a BIG BUG according to me.

Monday, August 27, 2007

It's all good after date 2

After date 1 I obviously liked C* enough to go on a second date - and obviously he felt the same...

On date 2 it got even better.
Dinner was made by the really cute guest in my kitchen. (Jip, and it was delicious.)Since it was a home date - we watched movies... I now suspect him of being a kissaholic (it could be that I'm the kissaholic, but for the purpose of this blog - it's him).
Obviously we didn't just kiss all the time - we talked too. He actually has good conversational skills... fancy that.

Date 3 has been set - and I can't wait!

PS. we're only sorta kinda seeing eachother - so we are not dating yet.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Cloud nine is just another word for euphoria (crazy happy)

I guess you never get too old to get that crazy happy feeling that puts a smile on your face 24/7.

Recently I met up with someone I knew (from before) on Facebook and we did the whole "hi, how are you?" talk and then for the first time ever we chatted and we really just hit it off.

Next logical step... a date of course!

I've had many dates - but this one was just so relaxed and it had conversation and he was just such a cute guy. I really enjoyed the date.

My cat was ok with him - so that is always a good sign. I do value the cat's opinion very much.

The next day was a complete nightmare. I had this smile that I just couldn't get rid of. It felt like I was totally off balance but oh so happy. Yes, I wrote it - so it must be true, I actually met someone that gives me that fuzzy warm feeling.

Don't ask questions, just keep on reading my blog - as I'm sure my more upbeat postings will be just as entertaining as the previous posts!

To be a cautious dater or not…

I bet you have made yourself guilty of throwing caution to the wind when you think you met Mr Right – on a first date.

What if you could just wait a few dates before proclaiming your undying devotion – do you really think that it would make a difference in his life?

What if you get too serious too soon and you awaken the fear (all) men have? (The fear of commitment.)

What if you waited and you realize that he is not The One – don’t you think that you could save yourself from a lot of heartache (by waiting)?

My advice (once again):
Get to know the person. Take your time. Hopefully he’ll stick around because he really likes you (– else, why would you want to date him anyway). What if he actually falls in love with you for the real person you are – would that be such a terrible thing?

Or would you prefer to jump right in and maybe just have him in your life because you are just so damn easy?

What is sexier than a man in a kitchen?

I cannot stress enough that a man in the kitchen is sexy. They always look so adorable in an apron and with that smile they have when they know that you are watching.

Tales of men in kitchens:

A previous ex I dated was a messy cook. Whenever he cooked – he used to dirty up the whole kitchen. I could never understand why… until one day I realized that maybe it was because he knew that somebody would clean it up.

One of the more unsuccessful kitchen gods and I tried to make a milktart… unfortunately neither of us have ever done the tart thing before. Needless to say… the tart didn’t look all that well and neither one of us wanted to be the guinea pig to taste it.

I think the best cook I have ever dated was the Italian. Italians make great pasta. I love pasta – what can I say. Unfortunately I liked his pasta more than I him.

Once I started seeing a chef – but the weird thing is… he never cooked for me. I wonder why.

What makes a kiss perfect?

Is it the soft touch of somebody's lips on yours? Is it the feel good chemicals your brain release?

The shy kiss:
lips only - no tongue

The explorer:
lips with a quick flick of the tongue

The invader (french kiss):
lips and tongue - whatever

The nibbler:
lips, tongue and teeth
no biting - just soft nibbling

The secret weapon:
A combination of all kisses

The Secret Weapon is the kissing technique that will drive anyone insane. It combines the short sweet kisses with the french kissing and nibbler type kisses - at variable speeds... and then add a bit of teaze.

The perfect kiss is just enough to make you want more - so never kiss as if your life depends on it. Kiss because you want to explore and enjoy.

How to have the perfect first date

Yes, the headline is correct. I actually said it on this blog - How to have a perfect first date...

1 x decent person that you are interested in (very important)
1 x venue that you are comfortable at
1 x time of date
1 x plan of action when it comes to dinner
1 x guide with boundaries

The person:
In case said person has not asked you out on a date (but you know he/she is interested) - do the asking out.

The asking out on a date:
Facebook/email/sms/phone person.
Work it into a conversation.
Get answer.
Set date and time.

Restaurant, movies (public places if you don't know eachother)
The "homecooking" home date (if you know the guy)

The intimate home date - at your house:
Dinner... if you aren't a cook, then Woolies is your saving grace else woohooo, you are a homely kitchen goddess.
Drinks... at least make sure you have what he likes in the house.
Dessert... (not you) something sweet (again, not you)

The public venue date:
(If you don't know this one by now you have probably not dated in a long long long loooong time.)

The boundaries (or as like to call it, my book of extreme rules):
I have always advised the no physical thing on a first date to maybe the third date.

The whole "sinister" reason behind my all important no sex rule:
Do you really want to sleep with a guy just because you are high on some chemical your brain has produced - or would you first like to get to know someone?
Maybe after date two you think - what a loser or you think... mmm I do like (still).

Facebook dating - Yes or No

3 days into the Facebook dating application experiment and I'm bored.

Why I don't like it:

  • The whole Yes or No to a photo exercise gets a bit tedious after a while.

  • I've been getting friend requests from these guys.

  • Requests are mainly from married men or guys in relationships.

  • I just don't feel comfortable with FB strangers scoping me out.

Why people might like it:

  • It is free.

  • Sooner or later all the single people on Facebook will try it - thus giving you a wider choice

  • You are anyway addicted to Facebook...

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Anyone for a bizcard?

What would you do if you got handed a guy's business card?
You have never met him. He lives in your complex. He has obviously seen you entering your house.

This is my take on it.
Don't sent me your business card - I don't want to do business with you.
Thank you for adding your unit number - I'll be sure not to go knocking on your door.

In short guys, if you want to meet a girl in your complex - try introducing yourself in person.

Facebook ... a dating tool?

The Facebook phenomenan has openend up a whole new way of meeting people and being chatted up online.

Facebook groups:
Facebook has quite a few groups dedicated to the singles and to helping them find someone. These groups range from the normal to outrageous: dating in the city, booty call, bringing sexy back...

Facebook applications:
I have discovered a few dating applications - but have not really signed up to any of the. I have however signed up to "YES or NO", but the gene pool is still a bit small in there - so I'll keep itaround and see what happens.

Random Facebook chat-ups:
I have had quite a few of these random guys seeing my picture on a group list and emailing me. Usually just a short message and a compliment - but hey, who am I to judge?

I will try out the Facebook applications in the meanwhile and dedicate some space and time to this.

Friday, August 10, 2007

The Male Flirt

Now this was a interesting specimen of the male species to study. He flirts like a girl and effortlessly darts between the girls he flirts with. Some girls might not mind being one of many... but let's say this out loud - no way!

At a birthday dinner, I had the pleasure of meeting one of these flirtatious men.
His modus operandi is:
- smiles into your eyes
- eye contact is direct and lingering
- talks only to you (for a few minutes)
- then moves on
- later, when you think... what ever - he returns to repeat the cycle

I'm sure he has perfected the art of reading body language and tell tale signs like pupils that enlarge...

It was interesting to observe the darting buttefly move by a man.

Monday, August 6, 2007

When your support structure crumbles

In the last 6 months I have made good friends that I can rely on. Friends that are there for me. Friends that I would do almost anything for.

This friend/supporting structure has received a really bad blow this weekend. I have drawn the boundaries and given an ultimatum, either you apologise for the weekend or I cannot have you around.

I know it sounds harsh, but I believe that if you did something wrong, you apologise. If you can't, then you obviously don't care enough about the friendship.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Is it possible to be friends with someone you dated?

I was forced to ask myself this question by an ex. The answer from my side is a definite yes... but I have to question why he doesn't want to spend time with me alone.

I have my theories, but... let's hear what you think.

Repeating the mistakes of the past - or the fear thereof

I have an admirer. He phones me daily, he emails me, he Gtalks me - and sometimes I just want it to stop. I just want to be able to not have to explain where I've been or what I've been doing or why I won't be online tonight. I don't want to have to explain that I'm not in a good mood either and that it's not because I have pms - it's just because.

I know that I sound selfish. I really don't care. I'm not involved and I seriously cannot be expected to act as if I'm involved.

I have done this before where I've just given in to a guy that came on too strong and ended up dating him for 3 years. 3 miserable years. I'm not doing it again.

The two steps back syndrome

I'm at a stage right now that whenever someone gets too close I feel like I'm suffocating. I have these horrible flashbacks of the relationship that I was in and I choke. I literally see myself being wrapped up and placed right back in the display case and I just can't do it. I can't.

I know, some day I'm going to have to get over my fear of dating the wrong guy again... but in the meanwhile I just need to breathe.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

The truth is...

Men are scared to talk to me. That is the truth. I don't know if its because I'm always with friends or if it looks like I'm unfriendly...

On a girl's weekend away we went clubbing in Brits. So, there are a lot of single men - so one might expect that these men would at least try to talk to you and not just check you everybody seemed to be doing.

As I was walking to the bar, apparently this guy checked me out head to toe (from behind) and as my friend saw this she encouraged him to ask me to dance. As I came back from the bar the guy stepped in front of me and introduced himself.

The only problem I had with the guy was that he thought that he could have his hands on me within 5 mins of meeting me. Yes, I do understand that a guy might find me attractive and would love to have his hands around my middle, but lets just say this guys - I'm not just any girl. I like my personal space and for you to be allowed into that space may take a time.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Two months to my reunion...

The closer my reunion gets the more I think I shouldn't go...

I know, it's ridiculous. Why should a perfectly gorgeous girl have trouble finding a date for a weekend away?

The thing is, I don't want to take just anyone. If I do take someone, he should be someone that is part of my life... or means something to me.

Right now I'm thinking of two guys that fit these criteria:
Best friend since primary school (that just happens to live back home)
The person that knows me better than most people (that just happens to live in Joburg)

Now the first guy I can ask - no problem. I do have one problem with him tho - he talks too much, more than any other human being I have ever met in my life!
The second guy is a little more complicated... I'm not even going to try explain that one!

So... two months to go and I need to get my act together and demand a favor. :)

Bachelorettes and all things nice

It's nice being able to just pack up and go somewhere for a weekend with your friends. It's even nicer if you have more alcohol than you could possibly consume - or so you would think.

This was the last weekend that all of us were still without a wedding band (not all of us are single) and we were gonna make this a memorable weekend.

I always enjoy the drunken conversations you have at 2 in the morning with friends. (Unless of course someone is more sober than you.)

BTW for those that don't know, Brits' nightlife really rocks - if you are into langarm!:)

When you listen to tales of friends...

So yesterday I had a really deep conversation with a friend. He is 28, successful, single - and an absolute dish according to me - and he is broody.

Men get broody?
Yes, apparently it happens that men sometimes feel that they have it all... except a mini-me. They actually really get depressed about not having offspring...

The other half of the problem is that this guy is probably too decent for most Joburg girls. (Yes, he is straight - I know that for a fact.) Plus he won't settle for just anyone - so no, you cannot ask me for his contact details!

The only reason I mentioned this conversation is because I actually understand how my friend feels. I think most people reaching their late twenties have this empty feeling if they're single and ... well, childless.

Who ever said it's fun being single? Torture them!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Fly to the city of love for love?

Yes or No?

Profile Deleted

I did it. I deleted all online dating profiles. I am free from fan mail - forever.

When do you take a risk on something that might be?

How willing would you be to risk your heart on a big "what if he/she is the one" gamble?

If you meet someone and you think they are kind of decent and you are attracted to him/her... and he/she feels the same. You go on another date or two, but then he/she leaves the country... but he/she phones you two or three times a day, emails you, gtalks you... and then invite you to visit.

Would you fly thousands of kilometers or play it safe and wait for the next possible Mr/Mrs Perfect?

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

To long distance or not (continued 3)

I met Mr Ireland. He is normal. Interesting.
And on his way to England for 5 months.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

When the guy you thought is Mr Right, is not interested

You all know about this feeling called “rejection”. It sucks when a guy is not interested in you in that way. It hurts even more when he makes a date to see you and months later you are still hoping that he will actually pitch for date number 64.

I met this guy one night very late after a clubbing night. When I first lay eyes on him my heart missed a beat. The first time he kissed me, my heart stopped for a few minutes. Unfortunately since then I’ve only spoken to him via email and chat. I’ve made a few attempts to see him again, but… he always seem to be working.

I guess it’s time to realise that he is just not that into me, else I might get that feeling of “not being worth it” – and that would be totally untrue.

Saturday, June 16, 2007


Home alone and getting drunk

I never used to drink wine. I never used to drink on my own. I never used to be on my own. Should I be worried about my new drinking habit?

I hate that I’m as pathetic as this and single. I sometimes just can’t handle the silence at home… so I try to relax. I drink 1 glass… and I fall asleep on the couch.

Yeah, I’m that cheap a date!

The emotional eater

Food and eating is not a comfort. It creates a vicious circle.

You are unhappy about being single, therefore you eat. You gain weight. Now you are single, fat and unhappy so you eat more.

I’m the first to admit that I’m an emotional eater. I weighed a lot 3 months back… I couldn’t fit into anything. I’m now almost my old size and can fit into most of my clothes. Yes, I do sometimes fall of the dieting wagon because I’m feeling umhappy, but then I gain a kg and get right back to the diet.

When your friends and you are a intimidating force to be reckoned with… and scare men away

What if that fabulous group of friends you hang with, intimidate men?

I’ve heard that it’s not all that appealing for men to have to walk up to a couple of girls to try and introduce himself to a woman that caught his eye. I tend to understand this.

So what now?
Guess you will have to sometimes leave the comfort of the group to give potentials the opportunity…

Or maybe you are, like me, of the opinion that if he doesn’t have enough balls now… then he just isn’t man enough.

That damn 10 year reunion… what will I do for a date?

I always wondered how it would be to go to my reunion. I never wondered on who I’ll need to ask to be my date for a weekend.

This is definitely not how I pictured the reunion scenario. Me being single 10 years after leaving school. Me being single 6 months after splitting from a 3 year relationship. I really did not imagine this.

The big question is if I’m brave enough to go alone or will I ask some random guy to drive a 1000km with me because I’m just too much of a coward? Mmm

Right now I’m swinging towards asking a random guy. 10 mins from now I’ll probably feel that it’ll just be a drag to have a guy there.

Date 18: The Born and Bred in Joburg Dude

I couldn’t resist adding the dude part. He had a ponytail. I cannot stand men with ponytails. I’m not sorry.

He was really nice. He didn’t mind my incessant talking about dieting. He came out of his shell a bit – after more than an hour, but … alas, I think the first impression was a killer.

The Explanation
I just din't feel the spark.

The Verdict

I actually cannot keep him as a friend – he just won’t fit into my circle.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

To long distance or not (continued 2)

I have to write this in as I finally met up with a guy that lives very very very very far.

He is a normal Afrikaans guy that owns a house not too far from mine, but he has decided to try Ireland 6 months ago. We’ve been chatting for a month and a half… and I’m meeting him in 2 weeks.

What have made me stay on this long distance chat so long?

I have to admit that I sort of developed an emotional connection with this guy that I’ve never met in person. I can’t wait to get home after work and seeing him online. Even better – he phones me every day.

The worst part about chatting to someone this long and never meeting is that you always start romantisizing them and when you finally meet you have put so much building up into it that ift can never match up to expectations –or can it?


When you’d rather try DIY before asking anyone for help
I’m woman enough to admit that I’ve never in my life picked up a real powertool, I have never even switched one on, but the mere thought of having to ask one of my male friends to help me in my new house was not that appealing.

I recently moved into my new townhouse just to find out that curtain railings and bathroom railings didn’t come standard! Yeah, your read it right – no curtain railings. I put up temporary material “curtains” with double sided tape and then bought a drill with drill bits and some screws and those wooden railings. I put up the kitchen and bathroom blinds. Obviously after the relative success I had I was feeling pretty psyched about putting up the railings in my bedroom and livingroom… BIG MISTAKE. I drilled the holes, but couldn’t get in deep enough as there seemed to be a metal plate! I then got really pissed off and drilled another hole… no luck. Now I have 3 holes that I patched up and I still need to repaint.

I still have no curtain railings.
When asking for help is inevitable
I really give up… maybe I was just not made to be a tool wielding amazon. I had to try tho.

I phoned my brother in law and by this weekend I will have everything up and living it up in yuppieville

When you can’t do something – ask for help. I know, its hard when its your pride that has made you refuse any help from the guys in your life or the cute neighbor guy.
Just because I’m a woman I will not stand for being ripped off!
I have noticed that as soon as I ask for a quote on something for my house I get quoted exorbitant fees. I’m sorry, but do men really think I’m stupid?

I’d rather do something myself and swear a lot than being ripped off!

Getting drunk but being streetsmart and safe
I really have become quite a party animal these days. I’m out every weekend. Get home in the wee hours and then hang out with my girlfriends some more.

At least I’m not sitting home alone wishing I’m not single… but how sober am I when guys try to pick me up when I’m drunk?

I have no idea on how to explain this, but when I’m drunk and having a goldfish memory night out I immediately sober up when a guy steps into my personal space. Its probably the best thing I’ve learnt or picked up over the years.

I never drive when I’m drunk. If I can’t walk so lekker on my heels – I will not drive. I usually order lots of cold water and try to grab something to eat. I know that drunk people usually aren’t responsible, but I have a very special kitten at home that depends on me.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

If you don't like what I write - don't make your problem mine

To all the guys out there thinking this is a personal attack on all of you:

I'm not writing this to bruise your egos. This is a documented posting of my life post a bad relationship. If you had taken the time to read the blog you would've been able to pick this up.

I'm documenting everything. The good dating. The bad dating. Even if a guy was nice, but not the next guy in my life.

So get the hell over yourselves and let me look for the guy that'll make my heart go boom.


Saturday, May 19, 2007

To long distance or not (continued)

Is Ireland too far?

lol, ok I met this guy on the net and I'm meeting him in 1 month. He lives in Ireland, but he is an Afrikaans guy from Jozi.

We chat on GTalk. He phones me. So I do kind of think that he really tries to keep my attention - and I do appreciate the effort... but I'm still very hesitant on the distance thing.

... but I'll see.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Umm, you do what when you’re lonely?

I know, it’s sometimes really hard to stop yourself from over spending or eating when you have the lonely blues. I’m on a diet… I gained more than 10kgs in 6 months! (while dating the ex) I should’ve had someone to stop me, but I was too busy being miserable in the relationship and that I’m so fat.

The BIG lonely appetite
Ok, food is your friend in moderation. Anything that oozes oil and sugar is not good if you have bags and bags of it.

The BIG emotional spending monster
Honey, it’s not worth getting yourself into financial trouble. The high of shopping wears off after a day and then you’ve maxed out your credit card and you have a pile of clothes that you don’t really have space for in your cupboard or would actually ever wear.

The BIG toy buyer
I went to one of ‘these’ parties recently – all in the name of research of course. I don’t know if I was the only person that felt embarrassed by the selection of toys… and the stripper. However, I did note a few huge purchases by girls – huge as in R500+. The girls attending the ‘party’ (that wasn’t newbies like us) was not shy in asking questions. All in all I would say that this was a very informative ‘party’. Now you’re asking – will she go again… ummm, *blush* I think that maybe I’m just too old fashioned!

When do you give up on finding the love of your life?

Ok, I admit, today I'm past feeling blue. I actually feel black.

Lets face it, I have met many wonderful guys online and offline... and there are still a few that I need to meet (that I'm chatting to), but I'm just about ready to accept that as smart and pretty as I am, I might end up being a spinster.

Am I a bit pre-mature in throwing in the towel?
Right now, according to me - I should've thrown in the towel before I met my previous ex. I think I could've saved myself a lot of unnecessary time with a guy that would not be man enough for me.

Let me ask this. How many of you are tired of always dating the wrong guys? By this I mean: the whiner, sleaze bag, anti commitment guy, etc? I know that I am.

What's my plans?
mmm I think I'll just party more. At least I have single friends that are just fantabulous!

Date 17: The perfectly normal Romanian guy

Another coffee date. No wonder I am on a diet.

Mr Romania was a really cool conversationalist. Not a moment of silence - or boredom.

The Explanation:
He was perfectly normal/decent. I just din't feel the spark.

The Verdict:
How about friends?

What to do when you're feeling blue

All of us get those days where we just feel really lonely. Maybe its because you used to have someone in your life that was there when you needed them (or not). Maybe its just because you stopped partying for a single moment and then it hit you like a ton of bricks.

I get those days. I have it today. Yes, I know that I joke about keeping my options open and all that, but I actually would really like to have someone in my life. No, that doesn't mean I'll settle for just any guy... I'd rather feel like today. Thank you.

How to deal with feeling like the loneliest person in the world
mmm right now I feel like eating a huge slice of chocolate cake, but as we all know, I'm dieting. So, I guess I'll stare at a picture of a really nice cake on the internet and try remember just how cake tastes.

But... this is what I usually do after work (when feeling blue):
I pick up a nice dinner from Woolies
Take a long bath
Have dinner in front of the TV
Then switch on my laptop and chat to people
if that doesn't help...
I get into bed
and cry 'till I fall asleep

So, to simplify. Do something when you are lonely to keep your mind busy.

Friday, April 27, 2007

YuppieCouple - wanting a girl to keep them warm

The Invite 1:
Hi there, loved the profile and pics...... could we interest you in a glass of wine tonight? Monday I know but it will set the tone for a great week!
Have a look and let me know..........
L ;)

The Invite 2:
Hi there, I was wondering what you up to today and whether we could tempt you to join us for a drink? Loved the profile...... and the smile ;)

Their Profile:

Why should you get to know YuppieCouple?
GIRLS ONLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are a very succesful young couple, and in a very secure and mature relationship, we have found a new zest for adventure and the exploration promises to be superb! We are open mided and easy going, join us on a trip, for an evening or a cup of coffee.........

She describes her ideal match thus:
A girl who enjoys the finer things in life and wants to experience more than the norm..... you should be comfortable with yourself and open minded.....

My response... block them!

Serial Dating Blunders (continued)

Scenario 9: Mr Nerd Alert
I feel pretty bad about this one… but I couldn’t make myself sit down at a table with a guy that wears a check shirt with a tie and a pee-pot hairstyle.
I just walked past and never contacted him again.

Scenario 10: Mr Mentally Unstable aka Mr Co-worker
Read the Dating Diaries, Mr Co-worker. This is a real gem of a story.

After 2 years of saying no to dates with this guy and using the excuse that I don’t date co-workers, I resigned from the company. On my final day I went ‘round saying goodbye to everyone including this guy.

Apparently when I was out of earshot, Mr Co-worker told everyone what a bitch I am and that he was glad that I am gone.

The weird thing is, he send me a sms asking me out for coffee and he phoned me to ask me out on a date the weekend after I left the company. I’m just glad I didn’t accept this psycho’s invites.

Scenario 11: Mr Doesn’t Get The Message aka Mr Co-worker
Read the Dating Diaries, Mr Co-worker – sorry, but this guy gave me a lot of material to write about!

This guy asked out every girl in one of my previous companies. If a girl says no… he’ll ask out the next one. If everyone says no, he would start again at the beginning.

He would take a simple greeting and think that is a come-on to ask you out.

Date 16: The Coffee Date (English guy)

Apparently I am the first girl he met off the internet but I won’t be the last one to find him a bit rude.

Why? He kept on checking out the cricket score. I know that I can hold down a conversation, but this was me against the score.

The Explanation:
Nice one asking a girl out for coffee and then watching cricket. All attention on the girl buddy. Thanks.

The Verdict

Date 17: The Drink-A-Jerkoff (English guy)

I seem to attract weirdos. Lots of them.

He got the compliments part right. As the night progressed Mr got turned on and thought that he could share that piece of information with me. Then he really stuck his foot in it by asking me if I would be willing to touch him. It got worse… when I declined “his generous offer”, he ased if he could jerk-off so we could continue the date.

The Explanation:
Guys, unless you know that a girl is the type to just do it with anyone – don’t share. Women are not there for your sexual pleasure. You will treat us with the utmost respect.

The Verdict
No. No. No. No. No. No. No…

When Mr Right is not all that right for you

Girl, listen up.

No man should ever lift a hand to a woman. If he does that – he is not a man. We call that a low-life bastard. Get the hell out of a relationship where you aren’t treated with respect. Where you have to cover up bruises and scars.

He won’t change – EVER. When a man hits a woman once, chances are a 100% that he will do it again – even if he apologises and promises to never do it again.

The second Mr Not-so-right scenario is just as bad, its emotional and devastating. Verbal and or psychological abuse. This is probably the most devastating form of abuse as it leaves scars where nobody can see.

If you are in a relationship where he makes you feel small and insignificant, it definitely means that you should get out.

Lets talk about you, the temptress, the no strings girl

Interesting subject. Mmm. I should maybe have added the heading as “The Orgasm Kicks Him Out Of Bed Syndrome”, but it might have looked like a really “dirty” book!

You want a man in your life – but not to date. You want him as a guy you can call with one request no matter what the time or day. Lets just say it – Its all about sex.

Why girls just do it with Mr Right-for-now
She’s lonely, sexually frustrated and open about it. She wants it and not him. She wants to orgasm and let go. She wants to cuddle and be kissed. She wants the companionship for a moment – but not long enough to have anything meaningful.

Where do girls meet men that are willing to service them?
Online, at clubs or even an old friend. Guys are easy and reckless. So if you really have to – just be safe.

Why girls could get hurt when it is all she wants
As a woman, no matter how much you try to deny it, you tend to get a little emotionally involved with people you have a long-term fling or sexual relationship with. That’s just how we were made.

Dating someone that you have to maintain a working relationship with

As much as I want to say that it is a bad idea to date someone that works with you or that has an affiliation to your office, I can’t.

The work environent is a great place to meet guys. Here you get to know more about them and they usually don’t try to impress you – so its more real. If you really think a guy is the one, take it slow and keep it on the low down at the office. You don’t want to be seen as the office flirt.

Unfortunately, if you do decide to take the plunge and get to know a guy from work better and it doesn’t work out… this is where it can really become very uncomfortable…

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Date 13: The Quiet One

A quick drink at a local Keg is just the thing to be able to realx and have a nice little conversation with a complete stranger you meet off the internet - right? WRONG! I tried the normal chit chat - it didn't work. Then I tried the obligatory... what do you do when you're not at work - that didn't work. Then I tried to finish my drink and get out of there pronto!

The Explanation
The best part of meeting new people this often is that you know exactly what you want... and don't want.

The Verdict
Maybe like never!

Date 12: The Coffee Date (English Guy)

Met Mr Coffee Date after work for a quick... coffee. I felt uncomfortable the whole 20 minutes. Things just didn't click - we had nothing in common that we felt comfortable exploring

The Explanation:
Dates where no talking occurs are usually not all that great.

The Vedict:
This was a absolute disaster (according to me).

Saturday, April 7, 2007


I’m not a professional, just a girl that had to heal my little broken heart a few lot of times. I can only give you my recipes for healing and hope that one will work for you.

You can do it!

Men are bastards. Plain and simple.

Yes, we love having them around – but we don’t need them. We, as women, are women enough to look after ourselves.

Say this out loud: I don’t need a man. I deserve to be treated with respect and love. No man is worth tears and heartache.

Put him in a box and close the lid!

At this stage you don’t want to throw anything away. You are probably half angry, half hurt and emotional.

Grab a box. Chuck all your little mementos that you have lying around your house, into that box. Place the box at the back of your cupboard or give it to a friend or family to keep until you are ready to open it again.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Messages I received from unsuitable candidates

Messages You've Exchanged with wildride27

On 2007-02-20 at 21:15:27, wildride27 wrote:
hi wanna explore and have sum fun with me........ if so .....mail me

_me_ wrote:
hey look, its a pervert looking like John Doe

On 2007-02-20 at 21:36:01, wildride27 wrote:
i am no perfert..........
i am just looking for a friend to have sum fun with and explore all boundries life has to offer. happy hunting

Messages You've Exchanged with whiterhino4u
On 2007-02-03 at 13:19:26, whiterhino4u wrote:
hi care to chat pls drop me a mail thanks a

On 2007-02-03 at 13:49:18, _me_ wrote:
Hi, I'm quite strict on my age and location criteria. Besides, you are 5 years younger than my dad. Sorry No

Messages You've Exchanged with Steven1
On 2007-02-02 at 22:02:20, Steven1 wrote:
Hi there, according to your profile we are not compatible, however i am writing to you anyway! My name is (censored), am a 43-year-old single guy living in (censored). I work in the newspaper industry[@]) as a (censored), which leads to some awkward working hours but I survive. I love coffee shops, art movies and supper, walks. Dislike braais and rugby talk. I am also a published writer of poetry, fiction and criticism. Last places on earth you would find me is being the centre of attention at a party or suspended from the sky in a handglider! I LOVE YOUR CAT!!!! would love to chat with u!

On 2007-02-03 at 10:57:56, _me_ wrote:
Hi (censored), Thank you for writing, but I really am quite strict on my age criteria - as I'm still into clubbing and the rest of the time I'm building a career and I know that people outside my criteria will not fit into my lifestyle. Good luck with your search.

Messages You've Exchanged with Snuggler
On 2007-02-05 at 19:35:53, Snuggler wrote:
..from your pic..and this cheaky look up your eyes...i knew you are an aries to!!!
We could be a good match.....shame the distance..but aries can handle any situation...

On 2007-02-05 at 19:53:53, _me_ wrote:
No we can't. I like things to be my way. That's why I have the criteria so strict. And where I said I adore my kitten I meant my 7kg cat does whatever he wants and gets away with it. sorry

Messages You've Exchanged with RM_PM
On 2007-02-02 at 16:59:35, RM_PM wrote:
Hey you!
I know this very old stone age trick. You see da woman, you hit da woman over da head and drag da woman to da cave. I don't want to hit you over your head, but I also don't have a cave!! How do I steal your heart without hitting you over da head??
So, I hope to hear from you soon??
ps. How could I not tell you how sexy you are?? You are very stunning and with that smile you can steal any mens heart!!!

On 2007-02-02 at 17:03:42, _me_ wrote:
Thank you for the compliment, but I really am strict on my age and location limit as I'm career focused and don't have the energy for long distance (15km and upwards).

Messages You've Exchanged with Lookinghot
On 2007-02-03 at 21:48:38, Lookinghot wrote:
Hey there sexy, what you up to? like to chat with your dream to come true ? You looking hot hot hot

On 2007-02-04 at 08:10:17, _me_ wrote:
listen here dude, unless you have a picture... I'm not hearing back from you. enjoy

Messages You've Exchanged with LadyPleaser
On 2007-02-05 at 08:15:38, LadyPleaser wrote:
hi there saw your profile ..looked great
im 37 white male sandton,,,,,
keen for some fun!!!!
wanna chat???

On 2007-02-05 at 08:24:12, _me_ wrote:
Thank you for your offer, but I think I'll decline.
Good luck

When a man is not man enough for you

When your friends and family warns you that a guy is not your type – usually thay are right.

I had to date a guy for 3 years to finally realise that I couldn’t stand him!

My “unmanly man” had these symptoms
• Fear of commitment
• Self-image issues
• Indecisiveness
• Whining was encourage above finding a solution

When you should realise it is enough (and walk out)
• When he can’t propose after 3 years.
• When he can’t buy a house or car because he can’t decide… for two years.
• When he says… you will be on the photograph with me – even if you are my floozy.
• When he yells at you and refuses to go for couples counselling.

The 101 on guys - continued

Mr Facial Hair
This might be just me – maybe I’m the strange one. I cannot ever date a guy with facial hair. It completely freaks me out. Stubble is ok – even sexy – a bushy mustache or beard is disgusting!

Mr Playboy/Smooth Operator
This guy will break your heart. Unfortunately, we all love a bad boy. He knows how to smooth talk his way into your head. He is ruthless when trying to acquire his next victim.

Mr Borderline Stalker
He asks you out – repeatedly. Walking past him and nodding a greeting is considered a come-on.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Why women have it easier online (than men)

It is definitely easier for women to meet men online.

Women online have it so much easier than men, as they can just publish a pretty pic on a dating website and voila... the fans and emails fill up their inboxes.
The poor guys on the other hand, have to email and do the woo-ing and hopefully get a reply.

I have to admit that I'm strict on the criteria I set... if he is too old, has facial hair (stubble is ok) or looks like a komodo dragon - I'm sorry, but NO - and I hit that block button!

I'm suspecting that men far outnumber women online. I wonder why.

When you have too little time (to date all the guys and look like a million dollars)

Being a career girl and all I sometimes feel that dating is more of a schlep than anything else.

I know I rarely touch up my make-up or hair if a date is after work - coz you know what... if you don't like me after a long day you won't like me after I've woken up. So sod off! I'm so not a prima donna with a face that consists of mainly make-up... So deal with it.

Dating days?
Monday - mmm I'd rather not
Tuesday - available for dates
Wednesday - I dunno hey, went out last night
Thursday - ok
Dating on a Friday is a no-no as this is my official friends night out.
Saturday - maybe
Sunday - no

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Why some people have success on a dating website

Take note if you aren't open to the experience of meeting new fiends and maybe the person of your dreams... you will have wasted your subscription money on a dating website.

To trust the online dating culture - or not?
My opinion? I would much rather email a person and maybe after a long, long, long while meet them.

Why? I guess I really hate that any guy can look me up and down and undress me with his eyes! At least online I can control what they see or get to know.

I will never apologise for loving my life and friends that I have online.

Online vs Real World life
In real live and online:
- you will meet nice people and then the not so nice people
- you could meet lunatics and stalkers
- the person of you dreams

Real World:
- you can hide your physical address
- or move house as much as possible
- but not your physical appearance
- or personality
- you'll only meet people where you are physically present

- you can hide your email address
- or open a new account
- you can hide your physical appearance
- have as many personas as you wish - or just one...
- you could meet people from right around the world

Monday, April 2, 2007

The challenge with Kevin Cadman

I've challenged Mr Cadman to go on a dating website for a month and meet some of the women... click here to read all about it.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

When other people’s feelings could get hurt (in your quest to finding your Mr Perfect)

During the dating adventure of your life, you will probably impress quite a few of the male species. Some might even fall for you right away. Sigh, this is where serial dating can become a serial heartbreak experience for your male fans.

I wish I knew how to handle this perfectly, but I’ll be honest in admitting that sometimes I’m just so clueless on how to handle situations where somebody has a crush on me. I’m in this game to search for my Mr Perfect, I don’t know exactly who he is, but how should I know whom it is, if I can’t date guys for fear of hurting them? I really just don’t know!

How do I think situations like these should be handled?
Upfront, on a date – if a guy shows interest and you’re not sure, tell him that you are not going to commit to any serious relationships as you are not sure of what you want – and that you would prefer to first be friends and settle into your new job/house/single status.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

How to deal with a self-centered bitch

I have a birthday ritual and this year the girls decided that they will join me on my coastal journey for it. (Unfortunately we had a little self-centered bitch among us.)

The Soft Approach:
Ignore her constant whining, conversation hogging and selfishness.

The Mild Approach:
Take the whiny, conversation hogging, selfish girl aside and calmly explain to her that this is enough and that her behaviour is unacceptable.

The Killer Approach:
In no uncertain terms inform this whiny, conversation hogging, selfish, irritating little bitch that you no longer want to hear any complaining from her. If she insists on trying to take you on, end the conversation with the following: "This conversation is now officially closed."

My experience with a self-centered little bitch:
As I said, on our holiday we had a 26 year old girl that thought it is ok to be inconsiderate, talk about herself incessantly and complain non-stop.
Day 1: She takes 40 mins to brush her teeth (thus we are 30 mins late)
She complains she is tired (after sleeping in the car on our drive to Ballito)
Talks the whole day about how stressful her job is (shame)
Day 2: Once again everybody has to wait for little miss go-slow
Talks the whole day about a local she met ... incessantly
Complains non-stop about being tired
Day 3: 5 mins from our destination she wants us to take her back to Ballito to go meet "her guy"
At our destination she bitches to a friend and I snap
Day 4: Never had such a fantastic day... she didn't complain once! :)

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

"Oozing Sophistication" at a networking event

When you are single and new in the world of "chatting up men" I definitely recommend that you go to a "geek event".

Why I recommend going to networking events:
- you'll learn new stuff about technology
- have ample opportunity to network (if you may ever need a geek's professional services)
- opportunity to practise those chatting up skills

How to network with geeks:
Just say hello (what did you think?), introduce yourself and ask them what they into or networking for. (Surprisingly this was easier than going to a advertising people networking event.)The guys were quite easy-going and didn't mind explaining things or chatting to 3 cute non geeky girls!

Why I enjoyed the "networking":
Obviously I spoke to some interesting technorati that are very passionate about blogging, linux and social media etc.

The best part of the evening - I definitely flirted with just one very cute guy and this was also the very first time in my life that I actually introduced myself to a guy! (Unfortunately he is attached ladies.)

Quote: "We're just oozing sophistication" Rhoda

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Date 11: The holiday non-romance guy (english guy)

I have been chatting to this guy for quite some time and as I was on holiday at the coast, (where he lives) we decided to meet at a “local club/bar”.

At the club:
We were 5 girls out to have a good time and Mr Holiday. Lets just say this upfront, I think he was really into me and I was so not gonna say no to some intelligent conversation. I'll admit that I got a bit too drunk on this evening - as this was my official pre-birthday-going-into-my-birthday outing.

At home:
At the end of the evening he wanted to stay at our place - we said yes, as we had a spare mattress that we could take into the livingroom for him. Unfortunately Mr Holiday had thought that I would join him for some "fun" in the living room! He jumped in his car and left revving his car... and my friends thought he was cute!

The Explanation
No guy has the right to expect a woman to roll over and play sex kitten.

The Verdict

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Date 10: The guy with the most amazing smile

I find myself in a very precarious situation as I met this amazing guy in very unusual circumstances (which I will not mention).

Within a few minutes of meeting this guy – I knew that he is everything that I thought he would be and so much more. He has the most amazing smile, personality and hands. (I think that I could drown in that smile and melt in those arms! *sigh*) I’ll admit, I know nothing about him, except what he does and his name, but… I’m speechless.(So girls, there are still some really nice guys out there.)

The Explanation
I really enjoyed meeting him, but the circumstances in which we met might not have been all that ideal. On the other hand – he did sms me the next day before he went to work – and that is a definite brownie point with me. So right now I have to step back and not try and push this.

The Verdict
I would love to get to know you.

Friday, March 16, 2007

To long distance or not

I really don't know much about this, but since I've been on a dating website or two, I've been contacted by men all over the world. It's fun chatting to them - but is this all that it could ever be?

This is how I see it - either one of you will have to plan a holiday in the other person's country or just accept that the perfect person will never be yours.

I know, its not always another country but sometimes just more than 25km away. Personally, I don't date men living outside of a 10km radius. I'm a hard working girl and don't have time to drive around ok.
If you don't mind traveling - go for it.

I know of a guy that used to drive 800km a weekend to see his girlfriend - unfortunately she cheated on him when they were apart.

Monday, March 12, 2007

How to describe your ideal man on a dating website

This part is oh so important – even if the guys don’t read it, it gives you an escape route if you think you need to justify a profile blocking.

Whatever you are looking for, say it. If you are looking for a sugar daddy or just fun… it’s your choice, but be specific. The guys are on a dating website for a reason, maybe it matches yours, maybe it doesn’t.

At my age I should know what I want... so bear with me :)
A man that knows what he wants. He should be able to speak his mind. Be super smart and super romantic (on occasion that is). Have (some kind of) a sense of humor.
I demand a lot of attention - but I'm worth every bit of it. (so if you think that your friends will ALWAYS be more important than me, you're NOT the one).
You should know that we definitely need to have our separate hobbies and that spending every moment together is great... only if you are my shadow.
If you are allergic to cats... I'm sorry, but it just won't work.
BTW. I'm NOT looking for a sugar daddy, old man or whiner - or a girlfriend.

How to write an award winning profile for a dating website

Whatever you choose to write, be honest about yourself and the things you want.

This is the profile description I used. It’s honest, shows vulnerability, but firmly states my lifestyle – most importantly, I tell them that they will have to ask if they want to know more. (The call to action.)

Remember, online the guys have choice and you need to market yourself honestly and effectively. Either a guy will love what he reads and become a fan or hate it and move along – either way, you win.

More about me... mmm… I know for sure that I'm extremely private and don't really talk about myself.
I'm a designer and am addicted to my notebook. I adore my kitten. (so if you don't like cats... go to the next profile)
I love it when it rains but hide under the covers when the thunder gets too hectic. I'm scared of the dark, small spaces and crowds at big blow-out sales. I don't like to gym - but I do some excercise. I love the smell of lavender and roses; and the taste of good juice and chocolates.
I can make delicious baked chocolate pudding but I suck at making really good food.
I have a shy smile with one big dimple - and it always makes my blue eyes twinkle.
My soul loves listening to Jamie Cullum and sometimes even some LIVE. I write a bit of poetry and read my news online.
... thats it. The rest you will have to ask.

Serial Dating Blunders (Part 3)

Scenario 5: The Older Guy (30+, which means back then 5/6 years older)
Dating an older guy is really hard. They are set in their ways and don’t always understand that the new breed of women will not stand for being treated like a servant.

Unfortunately the guy forgot that table manners is mandatory when going to a posh restaurant… he just scoffed down his food and the sauce was everywhere. It was terrible!

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

The dark side of online dating

So, you’ve decided you’re going to give this online thing a bash? The biggest drawback (and plus point) is the exposure you receive.

• Your face is available to anyone that visits the site.
• People that know you might stumble across your profile.
• Have you ever seen the “Date of the day picture” on news sites?
• You get psychos online… and they can cyber stalk you.

Then again – those that aren’t willing to take chances… will die alone!

Your guide to a fabulous outing

The live sporting event
We know that you’re probably not a sports fanatic – but you know what, men are. Get your girlfriends and go! I promise you will attract many a sports fanatic’s eye and have loads of eye candy. Best of all you would’ve experienced a fun day/night out.

* We went to a one day international between South Africa and Pakistan – on Valentine’s Day. We decided only at noon that … mmm
why not? We walked two kilometers to the stadium – on heels and in office wear. We enjoyed this adventure tremendously!

Night at a trendy restaurant
Drag those lazy single friends out to a trendy restaurant for dinner and cocktails – you might be lucky enough to have a cute waiter or better yet, a table right next to you filled with guys! Plus – you don’t have to try eat one of those TV dinners you live on!

The physical activity night out
Volleyball, tenpin bowling, whatever – if you’re not a player, go as a proud supporter. You will probably enjoy the scenery more than expected!

* We went to a company teambuilding event and ended up being the last people to leave. I should probably mention that the barmen were young and dangerously hot. We had body shots off them – and they were the ones insisting on making us drink!

Learning new skills
Have you ever considered learning to play poker? This is a skill based game – and you may one day play against a cute guy that you can impress. Did I mention this is a fun activity to play with the girls and guys alike? (Un)Fortunately we are not that adventurous - but you could always play strip poker

* We played poker with the guys after a wild night out. The guys appreciated the competition and company – and we only got to bed at five in the morning. I felt like a train drove over me – twice, but it was worth the good company.

Friday, March 2, 2007

How to get all the attention (Part 1)

Do you have the skills to make men flock to you in droves? If not, keep reading!

So, you went out with the girls and you’re at a table, but a few tables away there is a bunch of really cute guys – what do you do? Make sure your lips are glossed and smile. Glance over to their table and make eye contact, look away… repeat. If this does not convey to the guy that you would like him to say hi, then go to plan b.

Plan B: send a note or go there yourself.
Walk over and introduce yourself, but don’t hang around too long… 90 seconds max – and leave them.
The ball is now in his hands.

Out at the club? Sway those hips girl! If you don’t have the moves go for “sensual dancing lessons”, not only will it work those muscles, but will also add some sensuality to your dancing and stride.

Whatever your trick… enjoy the hunt for Mr Perfect or Mr Right-For-Now!

Being single and fabulous at it!

A fabulously gorgeous girl like you needn’t ever stay at home. Phone a friend, hop into your car and go have a cocktail at a hip and happening venue.

Get your social life on track and learn to go to events without a man. Go to “girl’s night out” events – you get snacks and a goodie bags!

Unfortunately there is this day called Valentine’s Day. You may seriously consider calling in sick for the day. Don’t. Book a DVD; Make yourself a candlelit dinner; Take a bubble bath with candles; Go to a live sporting event (there are sure to be few couples and loads of single people).

The point is, you had a life before you dated your last ex. You could have the same now. You just need to get out there and build yourself again. If it means to have a makeover and going to a spa day, then do it!

Don't give in to giving up!

I know, you are tired of dating all the Mr Wrongs out there, but just be patient and enjoy life. Mr Perfect will come to you when you least expect to meet him.

Being on the dating scene is hard work and if you start losing hope you will go into a downward spiral – and this won’t help your quest.

So, be fabulous and flirtatious!

How do you know if your offline date was (really) unsuccessful?

Either you dreaded each minute that you spend in your date’s company or think that he is kind of cute.

I guess it’s never easy to tell a person that you meet for the first time (on a offline date) that you don’t think that this will go anywhere. Worse yet, if the two of you flirt… and you get an email later only.

The point is, you may think that you know the person – because you emailed for so long before meeting, but the truth is, people are different online. They can be anything they want to be and this is the picture you have of them.

Don’t try guess what someone is thinking after the first date – just ask, so what if you don’t receive a positive response. If you can’t be honest after meeting – then why even try continue?

Kudos for Online Dating

The best part of meeting people on a dating website is that you always end up with a couple of really nice friends or introduce a friend to her dream man. Did I mention that you get loads of emails and you can become addicted to logging in? It also is a great pick me up when you see that you’ve gained another fan!

I read a profile once of a guy in Pretoria called “BruinBrood”. This guy sounded so perfect for a friend. I set them up on a blind date – without meeting him. Obviously my friend was mortified at the mere thought of a blind date. She eventually allowed me to forward her number to him. They set up a coffee date. They started dating and got married not long after.

This one doesn’t have a happy ending, but … I dated this guy 3 years and I met him online. It just turned out that he was not man enough for me.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Why do people choose to meet online?

I’ve asked this question to hundreds of guys and the answers vary quite a bit.

The Good Answers:
• Don’t like meeting people at clubs/bars
• Easier to browse through profiles
• It’s safer
• No hassles and you can see what the person wants upfront on their profiles

My reason is quite simple. It’s a numbers game to meet the right person – and this is a great way to first chat and then (maybe) go on a offline date.

How do you know if your offline date was (really) unsuccessful?

Either you dread each minute that you spend in your date’s company or think that he is kind of cute.

I guess it’s never easy to tell a person that you meet for the first time (on a offline date) that you don’t think that this will go anywhere. Worse yet, if the two of you flirt… and you get an email later only.

The point is, you may think that you know the person – because you emailed for so long before meeting, but the truth is, people are different online. They can be anything they want to be and this is the picture you have of them.

Don’t try guess what someone is thinking after the first date – just ask, so what if you don’t receive a positive response. If you can’t be honest after meeting – then why even try continue?

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Dating continued (Dates 5 - 9)

Date 5 and 6: Mr Pet Owner (English/Afrikaans Guy)
Finally, a guy that owns a cat! We went for drinks. He seemed fine – so I’ll probably go on a lunch date with him.
Lunch was great – if you didn’t count the number of times that the silence got too much! Sigh, and I thought he was a possibility!

The Explanation:
We had little in common. Actually we had only our cats in common.

The Verdict:
No. Maybe the cats could go on a play date.

Date 7: Mr Selfish Lawyer (English/Afrikaans Guy)

I, I, I, I,… two hours of torture. I tried to escape, but I guess that everybody else had tried escaping his monotonous

The Explanation:
I still thought I was prettier than him.

The Verdict:

Date 8: The Playboy (English Guy)

I met this really hunky guy at a cocktail bar in Rivonia. We hit it off immediately. We even set up a second date.
The second date was terrible. He pitched up late (strike 1) he was tipsy (strike 2) he got fresh the minute he walked in the door (strike 3) and then he was outta there.
2 years later he contacted me to see if I’m still unattached. Poor guy.

The Explanation:
Looks doesn’t make the guy. Get that? He was pretty and not ruled by his brain. I want more than The Playboy.

The Verdict:
Yeah, that was not fun.

Date 9: Mr Co-Worker (Afrikaans Guy)

You’ve all had that guy that works with you that has a crush on you – right? The guy that asks you out a million times in 2 years…

We’ve been friends for awhile so I thought I could convince him that it’s normal to rather want to be my friend – so I accepted an invite for coffee after work.
After all the chit chat about daily things I got asked the question that I was really dreading. “So, why don’t we try the dating thing?” That question meant the end of our friendship – I had to say no.

The next day I received an email from him saying he wasn’t relationship material! Big surprise.

The Explanation:
Friends are so much more important than a boyfriend and if a friend can’t hear what you are saying, then he isn’t a friend.
The worst was that he let his bruised ego end a perfectly good friendship.

The Verdict:
I’m sorry I lost a friend, but not that I wouldn’t date him.

How do you know if your offline date was successful?

How do you know that the great date you thought you just had was really successful?

During the date:
• You had lots to talk about.
• He paid attention to what you said.
• Both of you flirted. (hopefully with eachother)
• He remembered that you had this funny line on your profile.

At the end of the date:
• Did he walk you to your car?
• Did he ask if he could see you again?
• Did you have a smile on your face?
• Did he have a smile on his face?

Whatever you do – don’t kiss him or shake hands, rather just touch his arm for a second too long and smile. That is the best advice anyone can give you – promise. I have used this a million times - he’ll love that you touched him and wonder what it would be like kissing you.

In the next 24 hours:
• Did he email/ sms / call you to say thank you for the date?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Mr Perfect – is he just socially inept or too busy?

Is my Mr Perfect socially inept? Why would he be online? Is it a "modern times" believe that the best people hang out online? Is he just bored at work or too busy to go out?

Why would we feel that we could meet our soul mates online?

So if you had to weed out 99% of the men that you meet online… why not just meet him at a club or through mutual friends? Surely Mr Perfect has friends?

Monday, February 19, 2007

Serial Dating Blunders (Part 2)

Scenario 3: Mr Wrong On All Levels
This is a legendary tale that a whole lot of people would love to erase from their memory.
My cousin was set up on this blind date by a friend of hers. The friend apparently met this guy on a sms flirt thing – and she thought this guy was so fantastic and she just had to introduce him.

Poor cousin eventually said yes to this fateful date but with the understanding that it would happen in a public place with me and a friend. The day finally arrived and the guy pitched up…

Imagine this… short guy walking under an umbrella; his buttocks protruding to such an extent that his height might’ve been equal to that.
We ordered alcoholic beverages to try soften the extreme shock of this guy’s appearance. We ordered more drinks to try and survive the torture of his incessant bragging.

At the end of the date my (by now half-irritated, half-furious) cousin informed the guy that she is NOT interested. Then he turned around and asked if he could have my number. Needless to say… we will never forget BubbleBum.

Scenario 4: Mr I Still Live @ Home (and I’m over 25)
On paper, apparently, everyone seems normal. On a coffee date almost every guy gets a 0 for communication skills due to the fact that they never had to let go of the apron strings!

I met one of these creatures. He was 26, living at home and had no social skills.
Also, the picture that was on his profile… must’ve been taken in his teens – before he lost 60% of his hair!

Needless to say – this was a dud date.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Date 4: Dating The Ex from 7 years ago (Afrikaans Guy)

I dated this guy back in 2000. I really liked him – everything about him. It didn’t work, but let’s just say my heart was broken.

Non-date at the movies. Coffee at my place. We talked and ended up kissing.

The Explanation:
We both still had feelings for each other. Unfortunately we don’t want the same things right now. I won’t contact him again – this should be his decision.

I guess it will always be a dicey affair to go on a date with an ex, but to see him again was really fantastic.

The Verdict:
I would’ve really liked to date this guy (again).

Date 3: Mr Short Term (English Guy)

This guy is really cute, actually he is perfect. He is on time for the date, has flowers, treats the waiter ok – did I mention we have so much in common?
Unfortunately the more I ask personal questions, the more I get the wrong answers.

The Explanation:
He is fun and has a serious relationship with his career and lifestyle. Unfortunately he is NOT dating material. No, you cannot see where it goes or try to change his mind. You are setting yourself up for heartache.

The Verdict:

Date XXX: The 36 Hour Date (English Guy)

The second date, 19:00 on a Friday night, DVDs at my place. The invite said: “strictly as friends”.

So, the date went well. We stayed up talking and fell asleep on the lounge floor. We woke up later and realized… he never went home, but I’m ok with it. He leaves, but makes a breakfast date. We go for breakfast. We spend the rest of the day talking.

The Explanation:
The date went really well but nothing more than talking and maybe a kiss at the end. You have a choice on how to take this further.
1. get to know him and keep it at kissing
2. jump right in and date him/sleep with him (not recommended)

The Verdict:
Would like to get to know him first.

Serial Dating Blunders (Part 1)

We all get them – the duds of the dating world. Your worst nightmare, to be stuck at a table for an hour and no escape without being rude. My advice – ditch the dud! If you have to escape through the kitchen door or bathroom window – do it! The phone call trick does not work anymore – these duds know these tricks!

Scenario 1: Mr I Lied About My Height (English Guy)
He gets out of his car… is he still not standing upright? Why is his head barely visible above the car? He said 1.70 – 1.78… but he is more like 1.60! I know I mentioned I’m tall and I like wearing heels. Maybe I neglected mentioning that I’m tall like an Amazon Warrior!

Ok, fine, maybe we can be friends so lets have a glass of wine and chat.
Argh! The whole 2 hours he tried to play footsie. He nearly ruined my sandals!

Scenario 2: Mr “Smooth” Operator (Afrikaans Guy)
I’ll admit this upfront. My worst dating experiences have always been with Afrikaans guys – and I’m Afrikaans.

The date started out ok… for the first hour or so it was ok. Nice restaurant close to home; Escape routes are everywhere – or so I thought.
Maybe the second glass of wine got to him – maybe it was just his true colors or maybe he is a pervert trying to get his claws into me.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Step 3: Re-evaluate your favourites (on the dating website)

Two dates and 400 emails later you have to evaluate the guys you are emailing. Axe the ones you don't like the pictures of or that wrote an email that irritated you. (You should be able to axe a few that are time-wasters)

Remember you don't have to explain your decision. You paid good money for this service, it is yours to use (to your benefit)!

Now you should have lots of fans and about 30 favourites.
Read your favourites' profiles. Send the cute ones an email.
Sit back and wait for the emails to arrive.

Your Competition (Part 1)

The Golddigger
This specimen is the worst of them all. She will lie. She will sleep with anyone that has more money than her. She will never let go if she has her clutches in your man. Avoid these creatures! Tar and feather them - show no mercy.

Miss Super Sweet Sexy Flirty
Sigh. If you happen to go up against this one you will need to use every trick in the book. She has it all. The easy-going flirtiness oozes out of her. She probably has a look she gives guys that drives them crazy.

Miss Over-easy
Do I need to explain this one? She'll spread 'em. She'll get down and nasty in 5 minutes flat. Guys use her and forgets about her.

Miss I'm-so-loud
Every guy's best friend. She's loud and proud. She is also a shrewd little bitch that'll stab you in the back with a smile on her face.

Miss Bootylicious
She shows more skin than you have on your entire body. Her boobs are huge and in your face. It's ok, most men prefer to be able to hold 'em, so her watermelons may not have the effect she had hoped for.

Miss Natural Beauty
She doesn't look like a doll - but she has the X-factor. She has a beautiful smile; sparkling eyes; hour-glass figure; great hair;
The worst of it all, she is unaware of her beauty.
1 in a million women fall into this category, but they are super hard to beat. Guys love them. They can take her to the rugby or to a ball. She stands out from those that have to spend hours trying to look like her.

The Airhead Doll
Guys love this one. They date 'em, but never marry 'em.

The 101 on guys (Part 2)

Mr Cool
Always hiding behind his beloved labels. Not a bad choice if you had to date someone. Be sure to pack your jacket for long nights at friends and clubs.

Mr Almost-perfect
He has the brains, the bod, the personality - but no spark. Don't date him. Make him set you up with his buddies. Good guys like this have great friends! Maybe you have a single girlfriend that will be perfect for him too!

Mr Blind Date
Just say NO! Under no circumstances should you go on a blind date. NEVER EVER! If your friends pressure you into one of these horrific situations - run for the hills. If you do decide to be brave - meet in a group situation (go to a club with friends).

Mr Perfect (The Elusive One)
To meet this very rare commodity you will need to meet as many as possible guys. Date them if necessary. Mr Right will cross your path when you are in a relationship. Guaranteed.

Mr Money
The following comes to mind...
Big flashy car. Fat/ugly/conceited/delirious.
He will try to impress you with what money can buy - if you are not shallow enough, swim to the other end of the room. If you do decide money is more important than love - good luck on waking up to that.

Date 2: Mr Relationship Addict (English Guy)

mmm... so been chatting to the same person for a week and a bit. A drink should be fine, right?
He seems ok on email and phone. So here we go... date 2.

Nice guy. Would probably set him up with a friend sometime. I just don't feel the spark. Friendship. Clicked on the talking bit and interests.

In the meanwhile I get... "you are so perfect... yada yada.." And no matter how many times you say no to a second date - you still get asked out over and over and over again.

Stop the cutesy look. It is what makes guys weak in the knees.

The Explanation:
He is looking to replace his previous relationship. He would probably date any girl that smiles at him.

The Verdict:
Just friends - ok!!!!

Date 1 - Mr Reputation (The French Guy)

The Date:*say this in a french accent* (after 30 mins)
"so, you love me yet?"

*say this in a normal accent*
"No, I love my cat. But thanks for asking"

"you want to go for movies. you will like french film."
"no, I speak 2 languages... and neither one is french. I gotta go now. sorry."

The Explanation:
This is a classic case of dating a guy just because he is french. So here goes. French men are not nice. They think they are better than everyone and have severe issues when rejected.

The Verdict:

The 101 on guys (Part 1)

Mr Whiner
Recognize this?
I can't do this becoz of this this and this. I don't want to get up today - or any other day, my life is so bad that I should be taken care of and pampered.

Mr Indecisive
I don't know if I should make up my mind today - what if I make the wrong decision? I'd rather sit on the fence and irritate you for the next 3 years.

Mr Selfish
My friends. My Place. You must... Bring me. You can't go coz you have to spend time with me and my friends.

Mr I'm-so-hot
Chicks dig me. I'm the best thing since sliced bread. I will rock your world. I will make your day by trying to get you into bed the moment we meet.

Mr Pathetic
I'm so lonely. Please, please, please date me.

Step 2: Get fans and answer your emails

Getting 130 fans in a week... minimum is what is required. This is a numbers game. You might think 1 of your 130 fans have potential - if you're lucky.

Answer (almost) every mail you receive. Make an effort if you think their profile is ok. Block if they haven't read your profile or noticed that they don't comply with the criteria you specified.

Be firm - you are probably prettier, smarter, cuter, etc than 99% of the other women on the site - no talking to Mr I-want-2-sleep-with-you (and anyone will do)

How to become a (real) serial dater

Step 1:
Subscribe to a dating website
Hey, date me, I'm single and love to walk on clouds and bake cookies. I'm probably too good for you, but hey, I paid 99 bucks and will probably chat to you or block you. You have a 2% chance of meeting me. I have a 1% chance of recognizing you from your picture anyhow.
Write me now, click here!