Saturday, March 31, 2007

When other people’s feelings could get hurt (in your quest to finding your Mr Perfect)

During the dating adventure of your life, you will probably impress quite a few of the male species. Some might even fall for you right away. Sigh, this is where serial dating can become a serial heartbreak experience for your male fans.

I wish I knew how to handle this perfectly, but I’ll be honest in admitting that sometimes I’m just so clueless on how to handle situations where somebody has a crush on me. I’m in this game to search for my Mr Perfect, I don’t know exactly who he is, but how should I know whom it is, if I can’t date guys for fear of hurting them? I really just don’t know!

How do I think situations like these should be handled?
Upfront, on a date – if a guy shows interest and you’re not sure, tell him that you are not going to commit to any serious relationships as you are not sure of what you want – and that you would prefer to first be friends and settle into your new job/house/single status.

1 comment:

Martin said...

Please, just never ever tell him that you're "not interested in a relationship at this stage, not with anyone really".

Why? This will give him hope that he might over time (say, hypothetically, 6 months) be able to convince you otherwise. He'll be fine with the fact that you can only be friends (and will hang out with you as friend, probably being great company in doing so), but only because of hope. He'll pay attention to you, do little things for you that you'll love, but he'll do them because of hope.

When you end up finding someone that you do actually see as Mr Perfect (and enter into a relationship with him), he'll feel shattered by the notion that you chose someone else over him, especially because you were so adamant about not wanting a relationship when you told him so.

His heart will be broken into a million pieces, he'll have trouble maintaining composure in public places, he'll endlessly self-debate about the reasons for your choosing someone else over him. Then he'll say that he hopes you can still be friends (and he'll honestly want to), but he won't be able to bear the thought of you with another man as well as he first suspected. Eventually, he'll ask you whether you're willing to give him some space apart to get used to the idea of not being able to attain you, but of course you'll say "I'm glad to have met you and spent time with you", because it just feels uncomfortable.

He'll cry, he'll be extremely saddened by the notion that you won't be hanging out anymore (because he did really enjoy it) and remember with fondness the fun things you did together, but then he'll make a serious attempt to get the constant thought of you out of his mind, and pursue other things in his life. Only, he'll still have a distant glimmer of hope somewhere in his heart.